Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, including that about proof of vaccination, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
New York will require proof of vaccination for indoor dining and gyms
Governor Cuomo will also be required to social distance …
Kanye West announces ‘Donda’ album release party at Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium
Personally, I’m refusing to comment on Kanye’s new album because of my rights under HIP-HOPAA.
Delta variant, Louisiana doctors, slowly cracking vaccine resistance
If Louisiana wants 100% compliance on the vaccine, they should just deep fry it.
Trump encourages supporters to buy misspelled ‘Trump Offical Card’
In fairness, that might be how it’s spelled in the original German.
Belarus sprinter Krystsina Tsimanouskaya refused to leave Japan, Tokyo Olympics
Free advice: Krystina needs to marry Giannis Antetokounmpo, just so she can run 100 meters faster than you can say Krystsina Tsimanouskaya-Antetokounmpo.
PepsiCo to sell Tropicana, other juices, in $3.3B deal
Or, as Whole Foods calls that, 2 six-packs and a bag of almonds.
“My body, my choice” protesters say of COVID-19 vaccine mandate at Henry Ford Health System
That’s a lot of overweight, out of shape white guys saying Americans should make their own health decisions .. unless you’re a black girl in a leotard.
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher say they only bathe their kids when ‘you can see the dirt on them’
Or, as it’s also known, ‘Skunk’d.’
Happy 60th birthday to President Obama
Born sixty years ago – on the Kenyan island of Hawaii.
Jennifer Aniston revealed that she has cut ties with “a few people” who refused to get the COVID-19 vaccine
So, they’re on break…?
Conservative radio talk show host Larry Elder officially in the recall race against Newsome
The amazing thing is so many people have no recall as to who Larry is.
South Korea has detected its first two cases of the ‘Delta Plus’ variant of COVID-19
On the upside, it does allow you to check your luggage curbside.
DaBaby doubles down on homophobic rant with more offensive comments
DaBaby needs a talking to from Matt Damon’s daughter.
O.J. Simpson says he avoids Los Angeles for fear of running into the real killer of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman
… or, a mirror …