Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)
Flushing out breaking news: January 6 Committee sought SNN reporter’s aid in deposing Donald Trump’s former white house toilet.
In its never-ending investigation of the Donald Trump presidency, The January 6 Committee has contacted SNN reporter, Witch doctoress and Goozokooologist Dr. Sweet Doorite for her her help in deposing the former President’s former personal toilet, which has been in the news lately.
They discovered that Dr. Doorite holds a degree in Outhouseology and is the only licensed Toilet Whisperer in the western hemisphere.
The golden commode was removed from the White House when the Bidens moved in and currently sits in The Presidential Toilets section of The National Archives. The committee specifically wanted Dr. Doorite to ask the toilet exactly what Mr. Trump flushed.
Dr. Doorite stated that in her first interview with the toilet, it at first asserted Fifth Amendment rights. When she told it that that would not apply in this situation, the toilet stated a fundamental right that asserts that the same privilege that exists between a man and his lawyer also exists between a man and his toilet, and then cut off the interview.
The committee used Dr. Doorite’s expertise as a Rat Whisperer to depose a White House rat known as Larry. According to several of Mr. Trump’s former assistants, during the period of the January 6 riot Mr. Trump was in his office eating a bucket of KFC and tossing scraps to Larry.
Through Dr. Doorite Larry stated, “Me and Brother Trump munched back often. I ’bout starved to death when them Obamas were here… they ate healthy.”
He also said that he made himself scarce when Mrs. Trump and Ivanka were around cause they caused him to get a large and highly visible rathead.
Larry stated that he would co operate with the committee cause he has a thing for Liz Cheney.
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