The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews President Volodymr Zelensky and President Vladimir Putin: The Russian Invasion

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews President Volodymr Zelensky and President Vladimir Putin.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is is a good morning? Not at all. Today on the show my guests are the good Ukrainian President Volodymr Zelensky and the evil Russian President Vladimir Putin.

President Volodymyr Zelensky Caricature by DonkeyHotey
President Volodymyr Zelensky. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

PRESIDENT VOLODYMR ZELENSKY

Putin war criminal!

VLADIMIR PUTIN

Nyet! No! Zelensky Nazi and drug dealer.

JERRY

You are a liar, Putty. Zelensky is Jewish and the only one on drugs is you.

ZELENSKY

He invade my country. Blow up kindergarten.

JERRY

Why Putty? You’re a monster.

PUTIN

I hate kindergarten. Teacher put me in corner for pee on floor.

JERRY

Was it an accident?

PUTIN

No accident. I like being bad boy. Watch kids scream as piss flow.

ZELENSKY

He also blow up water and electricity plant in cities. People have no drink or heat in Ukraine.

PUTIN

Who care? I go skiing tomorrow. Can’t be bother with stupid complaint.

JERRY

The United States and Europe are going to ruin the Russian economy with crippling sanctions. And it’s working. The ruble is worth less than a penny.

PUTIN

Have plenty of reserve. When Republican elected president in 2024, sanctions lifted. I win. Trumpster say I genius. He never lie.

JERRY

Only 50,000 times. But who’s counting?

ZELENSKY

You just like President of Belarus Alexander Lukashenko.

PUTIN

He my evil twin. We share loot stolen from you banks. Alexander let Russian troop invade from Belarus.

JERRY

Hey, Putin. What did Russian people light their houses with before they started with candles?

PUTIN

Don’t know.

JERRY

Electricity.

ZELENSKY

(laughs) I got better one. How does every Russian joke start?

JERRY

No clue.

ZELENSKY

By looking over shoulder.

Jerry and Zelensky laugh.

PUTIN

Not funny. It fact.

JERRY

Zelensky. Your country is being invaded by 200,000 Russian troops. What are Ukrainians supposed to do?

ZELENSKY

We have nothing to fear, except fear itself. And of course Russian. I say take vacation early.

JERRY

Folks. His comic survival instincts kicked in.

PUTIN

Zelensky not funny. His TV show suck.

ZELENSKY

No, I win Ukrainian Emmy for best comedy. You only laugh at people being killed.

PUTIN

Da, yes. But that get me role of Freddy Kreuger in new film A Nightmare on Kremlin Street. Director say I have “killer instinct.”

JERRY

Ukraine is a democracy. You invaded a sovereign nation.

PUTIN

Na na na na na. Finder keeper, loser weeper.

JERRY

I will try being peacemaker. Apparently, the Short and Shorter comedy tour failed.

ZELENSKY

He steal my lines.

PUTIN

I not steal lines. Just silence you.

JERRY

Here’s the deal. Putin withdraws all troops from Ukraine and gets 10 free mail order brides. Zelensky gets 10 free tickets to the Moscow Circus.

PUTIN

And United States need to Free Willy whale.

JERRY

He was freed, you idiot.

PUTIN

Sorry. Not watch end of movie.

JERRY

Do we have a deal?

ZELENSKY AND PUTIN

Da! Yes! We try again.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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