[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
New stoner food market created by legalized pot could be billion-dollar industry.
After reading a story on his favorite satire site about cheese puffs that resemble tiny dinosaurs, Mark Munchhausen came up with what he believes to be the next new stoner food* — Puff the Magic Dragon Cheesy Cheese Puffs.
Munchhausen sees no reason to patent his idea or even produce the snacks himself, since his favorite snack company has already perfected a system whereby cheese puff snacks can be randomly formed in the shape of dinosaurs (or dragons if you will). All he has to do is re-package the snacks and sell them as stoner food in his marijuana shop in Denver, Colorado.
The Cannabis King, as he likes to be called, shared how he came up with the idea for the snacks.
“I couldn’t decide on what to call them at first,” said CK, after discovering for himself the almost perfect-shaped dinosaurs in his package of cheese puffs.
“They look more like tiny brontosauruses than they do dragons,” he said. “And, well, at first I thought of Dino the dinosaur on the Flintstones. You know, they are making billions off those little vitamins.
“But then, I lit up a joint, took a few puffs, and waited for the inspiration to strike. That’s when it hit me — Puff the Magic Dragon lives by the sea! I am puffing on the magic, man, and, well, I don’t live by the sea, but I’ve always wanted to, and voila! Puff the Magic Dragon Cheesy Cheese Puffs was born.”
“I admit,” said Munchhausen, “that packaging the puffs takes valuable time away from growing pot, and I usually net only about a 50% yield of dragon-shaped puffs from a bag of cheesy corn puffs.”
However, the enterprising pothead claims that since he can get the puffs for $2 a bag and make approximately 6 or 7 baggies out of it, he’s definitely making good money off the stoner food puffs.
“I can sell them for $4 a bag easy, so I’m definitely getting my money back, man. It’s a convenience thing, you know. I’m like 7-Eleven for my customers — a one-stop-shop so to speak.
“Plus,” said Munchhausen, “I get my baggies in bulk, so using some to re-package the snacks is a no-brainer.”
Asked if he is worried about having a lawsuit filed against him from either the owners of the song or the giant food company for copyright infringement, Munchhausen said “Nah, man. They should be thanking me. Do you know how many people are going to be buying these things and getting that song worm stuck in their heads?
“See? I’ll even bet you are now humming the song. I told you, man. This idea is golden.”
*Stoner — One who regularly gets stoned on marijuana (not to be confused with stoner — one who throws stones at people until they are dead, as in “hey, look at that stoner over there. We hate stoners. Let’s stone him to death.”
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