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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Heroic Pole Steps in Front of Drunk Driver

Jul 272017
 By , July 27, 2017

Drunk driver prevented from injuring others by lone, brave telephone pole

Poles usually hold up things Americans use to download porn, like electricity or cable lines, but this wasn’t the case today in Huntington, WV, when a valiant young pole stepped in front of a man who was drinking while driving.

pole, drunk driver“I felt I had to do something,” the pole told this reporter. “This drunk driver was swerving all over the road. Luckily, I didn’t have to move very much to stop him from potentially injuring more poles.”

The pole involved in the crash wasn’t seriously injured. The West Virginia Electric Company stated that the pole will be moved to his natural upright position in no time.

“This particular pole is lucky that he didn’t sustain any serious injuries. However, his age was a factor, as he is cut from the mightiest trees in the Amazon rainforest,” said a power company spokesman.

People and poles from all over are describing the pole as “very brave” and even started a viral marketing campaign to have the pole run for president.

“The pole can’t be any worse than what we have now,” said a spokeswoman from the “Pole for Prez” campaign.

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Comedian, satirist, comedy writer. Founder of The Heathens of Comedy Tour.

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