[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

World Famous Economists Break Down the Latest Jobs Report

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

To break down the Biden Administration’s July jobs report, we turned to a pair of world famous economists.

Since the Biden Administration released its July jobs report indicating that 528,000 new jobs had been added to the U.S. workforce, we here at The Slobovian News Network have been bombarded with questions about the sectors these jobs were added to.

biden jobs report
Photo by Ted Eytan, flickr.com.

We have learned that the country is suffering from a lack of truck drivers, policemen, firemen, teachers, airline pilots, bus drivers, restaurant workers, nurses, doctors, EMTs and even soldiers and sailors.

To break down the July jobs report, we turned to a pair of world famous economists, Dr. Lotsa Moolah of the University of Vagina at Kootchykoo and Dr. Vulfgang Therd Shiffte of the Slobovian Blue Collar Institute.

After carefully studying the report, these experts stated that the numbers break down by job sectors as follows:

  • 22 new convenience store clerks
  • 2500 new smash and grab crew members
  • 60 new New York City subway feces smearers
  • 227,000 new drug dealers
  • 92,000 new car jackers
  • 173,000 new online scammers
  • 18,000 new Texas border smugglers
  • 42 new drill rappers
  • 12 new fast food workers
  • 25 new Donald Trump Defense lawyers
  • 127 new professional lottery players
  • 3 new airline pilots
  • 2500 new Fox News channel contributors
  • 2500 new MSNBC contributors
  • 1000 new armed robbers
  • 10,327 new mass shooters

SNN Words To Live By

“Life is a contact sport“ — Jovan Musk, TV commercial

“America’s a tough town“ — Latka Gravas (Andy Kaufman), Taxi TV show

Ted Holland