After nearly 100 years of climbing up the waterspout, the Itsy-Bitsy Spider has finally drowned.
The day we all dreaded has finally arrived. After nearly 100 years of climbing up the waterspout, the Itsy-Bitsy Spider has finally drowned.
“If I told that boy once, I told him a million times, ” said his grandfather, Biggly-Wiggly, “Don’t tempt fate! How many times do you really think the sun’s gonna come out and dry out all the rain? But his stubborn ass had to keep going up the waterspout again!”
His little brother, Teency-Weency, added, “I think it was the song that messed him up. He felt a lot of pressure to keep proving he could do it. You know. For the kids.”
His wife, Teeny-Weeny, complained, “He was never home. How do you think I felt raising 3,000 kids on my own?… Him and his damn waterspout!”
Conspiracy theories abound on the webs. Some say he was murdered by the government, others that he was an informant. Still others believe that he eventually went up the wrong spout, hearing something he shouldn’t have.
Funeral services are being held in a basement of undisclosed location. Over a million spiders are expected to attend.
- Strange Phenomenon Baffles Experts - December 9, 2022
- Itsy-Bitsy Spider Finally Drowns - November 19, 2022
- Teenage Aliens Take UFO for Joyride, Crash in Amish Country - April 11, 2022