General Secretary of China: Interview - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews President Joe Biden and the General Secretary of China, Xi Jinping.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guests today are President Joe Biden and the General Secretary of China Xi Jinping.

XI JINPING

All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.

JOE BIDEN

If you want a pretty nurse, you must be patient.

JERRY

Have you two been eating marijuana fortune cookies?

Oh, my fault. I tell baker, cookies for Mar-a-Lago. He think marijuana.

JERRY

Hey, Xi. What do you get when you eat marijuana?

No cru.

JERRY

A pot belly.

(laughs) Very funny. Last time I laugh is when Trump say he don’t do nothing with Stormy Daniels.

BIDEN

Let’s get down to business. I have a few things to get off my chest. Here’s the deal, General Secretary Bee, Key, Tea. Shucks…Xi.

No. I a he.

BIDEN

I thought you were Xi.

Yes. I Xi and he.

BIDEN

A he/Xi.

No. I he/him.

BIDEN

You’re a donkey. A he/haw. Let me tell you why, Charlie Chan. You are using TikTok to spy on Americans. Data is being transferred to China. You probably know every one of my movements.

Only bowel.

BIDEN

And another thing. Knock it off with your spy balloons over the United States.

Weather barroon, not spy. It barroon art like Macy parade.

BIDEN

Just for that lie, I’m going to raise tariffs on Chinese goods being exported from the United States.

Then I raise tariff on shoes we sell to little people in circus.

BIDEN

Okay. I will make an exception to certain vegetables that we are exporting to China…the MAGA Republicans. In fact, you can have them for free.

Then I make exception to open P.F. Chang restaurant in Beijing and Shanghai.

JERRY

General Secretary Xi. What do you do in your spare time? Do you have hobbies?

I Chinese checker champ.

JERRY

Did you have stiff competition?

Yes. They stiff. All dead. That what happen when you try to beat leader.

JERRY

Are you going to attack Taiwan?

Maybe.

BIDEN

Not on my watch. Your Navy will sink like the Titanic.

BIDEN

(pause) Sorry. That was a terrible ice breaker.

Accept apology. Remember Chinese proverb. Man with one chopstick go hungry.

BIDEN

Not me, man. I just pick up the bowl and chug down the food .

JERRY

President Joe Biden and Secretary General of China Xi Jinping. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.