Babe Ruth Interview via Hologram - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews baseball legend Babe Ruth via heavenly hologram.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show from the magic of a hologram, my guests are my late mother Maggie Duncan and her friend up in heaven baseball legend Babe Ruth.

Babe Ruth 1933 baseball card — Babe Ruth 1933 Goudey Sport Kings baseball card. Heritage Auctions, Public Domain.

MAGGIE DUNCAN

Now I know you’ll love me. Babe Ruth is your favorite.

JERRY

Wrong, you’re mixed up. Baby Ruth is my favorite. Love that candy bar! On second thought, I do like both because they’re nutty.

BABE RUTH

Why? Just because I batted drunk? Or that I was sent to reform school for 12 years?

JERRY

I can’t decide which is funnier.

MAGGIE

Hey, Babe. I know a funny joke about reform school, but it’s juvenile.

JERRY

Don’t mind her. She’s attracted to men in prison. We had a framed portrait of Al Capone on the wall in our living room when I was growing up.

MAGGIE

It wasn’t Al Capone, big mouth.

JERRY

Then who was it, Uncle Herb?

MAGGIE

No. Machine Gun Kelly.

JERRY

Thank goodness.

JERRY

Babe. You are a hero in the history of baseball. A lifetime batting average of .342, 714 career home runs, 60 home runs in one season for the Yankees, and you were a pitcher and hitter in your twenty-two season career. How’s the game changed since your retirement?

BABE

Money, Duncan. I played the game for $18,000 bucks a year. Today the players make millions.

JERRY

Any regrets?

BABE

Wish they had beer pong instead of ping pong. And more intelligent women like Stormy Daniels.

JERRY

Yeah. I read where you liked prostitutes.

BABE

It was an addiction. I visited every brothel on the road. One night in St. Louis, the damn place caught on fire. Everybody panicked until I heard the fireman yell, “More hoes!” Man was I relieved.

MAGGIE

Why do they call you Babe?

BABE

I was legally adopted by the owner of the Baltimore Orioles so I could play for his minor league team. My teammates teased me and called me Baby then later Babe.

MAGGIE

Cool. You’re a 215 pound baby. About the weight of a newborn dinosaur.

BABE

There’s a lot of love to hug. Will you be my Valentine, Maggie?

MAGGIE

It’s September, you idiot. Besides, I’m still in love with Curly from The Three Stooges. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

BABE

I’m bummed.

JERRY

You just stuck out, Ruthster. Ballgame over. Babe Ruth and my mother Maggie everyone. See you tomorrow.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.