Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews pole dancer Ginger Daniels, who is related to someone you may have heard of.
ANNOUNCER
From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Maybe. I have a mystery guest on the line who says she is crazy about me. Let’s get the conversation started.
JERRY
What’s your name?
GINGER DANIELS
Am I really on the air speaking to you?
JERRY
No. It’s artificial intelligence. Introduce yourself and you better be hot.
GINGER
I am. My name is Ginger Daniels. I’m so hot that a cigarette lit itself.
JERRY
Nice. Are you any relation to Jack Daniels? Love those booze.
GINGER
No. I’m Stormy Daniels’ little sister.
JERRY
(excited) Trump’s girl. Wow!
GINGER
We’re completely different. (giggling) But I can be naughty, too.
JERRY
What’s your jam?
GINGER
Poles.
JERRY
Like polkas?
GINGER
No. Strip clubs, I’m a pole dancer.
JERRY
(lost for words) Abba, abba, abba.
GINGER
Jerry. I’m in my birthday suit staring at your picture. Come home to mommy.
JERRY
My mommy is dead. Well, sort of.
GINGER
Are you an orphan?
JERRY
I can be adopted. You can be my new mommy.
GINGER
And you can be my sugar daddy.
JERRY
Then let’s get together for dinner. My fans will be excited.
GINGER
What do you have in mind?
JERRY
McDonald’s.
GINGER
McDonald’s? Workers can’t even change a light bulb.
JERRY
How do you know?
GINGER
Because they can’t climb the ladder.
JERRY
Okay. Then make it Burger King.
GINGER
Good choice. Besides food, they sell Burger King underwear. Home of the Whopper. And I know a thing or two about whoppers.
JERRY
Oh, no. There’s a call coming in from heaven. It’s my mother Maggie Duncan.
JERRY
Not now, mother. I’m practically engaged.
MAGGIE DUNCAN
She’s a loser, Jerry.
MAGGIE
(to Ginger) For God’s sake Ginger, put on your panties! At least it will keep your ankles warm.
GINGER
That’s your mother?
JERRY
On a good day. Which is almost never.
MAGGIE
I love you, Jerry. Say you love me back.
JERRY
How much is it worth to you?
MAGGIE
You want me to pay. Really?
JERRY
Unless you have a better idea.
MAGGIE
Mrs. Anderson told me she has a niece that is single living in Wasilla. She’s smart, has a good personality, and pretty face.
JERRY
Translation. Chubby and lonely. I want Ginger.
MAGGIE
No son of mine is going to date a pole dancer! I won’t speak to you again.
JERRY
Yes!! Mission accomplished. Ginger Daniels and my mother Maggie Duncan. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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