[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Ann Romney Counts the Ways She Shouldn’t Be Considered Blessed

Ann Romney gave the first speech of her political life Tuesday night as a potential first lady and by most accounts, she was said to have done a fine job.

Ann Romney However, Fox News analyst Juan Williams, formerly of NPR fame, gave a different assessment, saying Mrs. Romney came off looking like a corporate wife, and that her husband takes care of her, for which he was roundly dismissed by his colleagues and most Republicans for giving false assumptions.

Ann Romney, as well, wasn’t taking it sitting down and fired back with all the reasons why she is definitely not that blessed. Here are her comments…

“Sure, I married a good looking man, but honestly, have you noticed he has a bit of a feminine side? It’s murder sometimes getting mirror time in the morning. We’ve had to build separate bathrooms for me.”

“I’ve had my health problems, and yeah, I still look as healthy as a horse. Speaking of which, do you know how much it costs to feed an expensive dressage horse these days?”

“You try sitting home all day wishing your husband had a regular job so you wouldn’t have to listen to him moan and whine all the time about how the maid won’t make his favorite sandwich for him.”

“Five boys, need I say more? Uh, make that six.”

“I can’t count the times I’ve hired a caterer for private functions and have invariably been overcharged for the rumaki.”

“I have to personally take Mitt clothes shopping every fall. If I didn’t, he’d end up wearing seersucker even in winter.”

“I can’t enjoy driving around in my Cadillac anymore without someone reminding me that it was President Obama and not my bird-brained husband who bailed GM out.”

“The GOP leaders tell me I have to come off looking like I totally understand what the American woman is going through during these tough times, and I honestly have no clue how I’m going to pull that off.”

“They switched my hair appointment to Thursdays.”

“If Mitt wins the election, I have to move into that horrid White House. If he loses, I have to listen to him whine all the time about him not getting his favorite sandwich.”

P. Beckert