A doll archive numbering over 1,000, each doll in the collection is dressed for power and trained in passive complicity.
Curator’s Note: In compliance with the Presidential Family Artifact Preservation Act (2022), the Mar-a-Lago Museum of Excess is proud to present highlights from The Ivanka Trump Childhood Collection — a doll archive numbering over 1,000, each doll dressed for power and trained in passive complicity.
Recovered from a crate labeled Golf Scorecards, Pardons, & Stars-and-Stripes Swag, the dolls chart Ivanka’s evolution from precocious heiress to plausible deniability specialist. The following selections have been made available for public viewing from the permanent exhibit archive:
Executive Barbie — Ivanka Signature Edition Titanium pantsuit. NDA launcher. Mirror whispers “You are the brand.” Catchphrase: “Daddy says I’m the most qualified.”
Ken Kushner — Silent Mode Default Articulated in 39 directions — none functional. Whispers in Hebrew, Arabic, and hedge fund static. May disappear mid-conflict.
Complicit — Pull-String Doll Says: “That’s a question for the White House.” “I support women—strategically.” (Soft sobbing, inaudible to men) Flinches near questions about migrant children.
Trump Tower Dreamhouse Eighteen floors. No exits. Elevator only goes up. Features include: gold bidets, an echo chamber, and optional Tiffany annex (sold separately, emotionally).
Marie Antoinette Barbie — Limited Edition Gilded updo made from recycled tax shelters. Cake-scented perfume with notes of indifference. Platinum guillotine comb included.
The Don Jr. Doll . Does not exist.
Daddy’s Favorite — Prototype Surveillance-grade resin. Endorsed by one U.S. president, three Miss Universes, and zero ethics committees. Banned in 38 countries and one state (New York).
Melania’s Stepford Companion — Permanently posed. Speaks only in “Be Best” and prolonged side-eye. Wanders off when asked questions.
Whistleblower Barbie — Never Released Still shrink-wrapped. Whispers “Help me” when left in darkness. Comes with detachable (invisible) moral compass and two dolls, as permitted.
Capitol Testimony Playset — Includes: mahogany dais, trembling glass of water, and 100 tiny microphones. Pull-string responses:
- “I don’t recall.”
- “To the best of my understanding…”
- “I was not aware that I was aware I had been informed.” Legal counsel sold separately.
Jared & The Silent Six — Accessory Pack Six identical Kens. Each offers a different Middle East peace plan before emitting soft WiFi static. Includes offshore consulting firms and vanishing briefcase.
The Legacy Doll — Restricted Viewing Visible only to those who already believe. When wound, whispers: “You’ll inherit all of this.” (New from Mattel’s Republic Series) She played with a country the way a child plays with a doll — unaware it breaks. Exhibit Note: This doll is no longer interactive. Its influence persists in policy, design, and inherited silence.
Gift Shop Highlights :
- Reversible Tote: One side says “Daddy’s Girl,” the other “Senior Advisor.”
- Build-A-Brand Workshop Kit: Includes one unpaid internship and three fake job titles.
- Let Them Have Two Ration Card: Redeemable for up to two dolls, five pencils, and a future.
- Certificate of Silence: Frame-ready. Lifetime appointment to nothing.
- MAGA Molly wearing a red “Make America Great Again” hat permanently affixed with hot glue and grievance. Warning: Not recommended for children, educators, or functioning democracies.
Museum Guidelines: Please do not touch the dolls, compliment the Dreamhouse, or reference federal investigations. Docents carry flashcards labeled OPTICS, VAGUENESS, and FEMININE GRACE.
Suggested donation: one working pencil and your remaining faith in democracy. Proceeds support the Two Dolls Per Child Compliance Framework (pending executive order).
Exit through the Hall of Silent Advisors. Do not make eye contact. Please refrain from discussing democracy in the gift shop.
