[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Psycho with Face Painted Orange Rants and Raves on White House Roof

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A clearly deranged man in a blue suit and red tie was spotted pacing back and forth on the White House roof.

Earlier today, the world witnessed an astonishing sight: a clearly deranged man in a blue suit and red tie was spotted pacing back and forth on the White House roof shouting while making strange hand gestures, “I pay for everything, why doesn’t anyone like me?”

White House roofWhile the gleeful crowd of reporters on the grounds below shouted questions at him, the distressed man rambled on and on about his two-faced friends, Vlad and Elon, and how they were “meanies”. He then began chanting the nuclear code “0000000”, not in use since 1977, luckily.

When one smirking reporter asked him why he was up there, the obviously disturbed guy broke into song. Still floating in his nostalgic 60s fever dream, he began singing “Up on the Roof”, the 1964 hit by The Drifters:

“When this old world starts getting me down
And people are just too much for me to face
I climb way up to the top of the stairs
And all my cares just drift right into space…”

He was still singing when Vice President Vance and close political advisor, Stephen Miller gently led him away while White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavett, shouted at the group of rowdy reporters below, “Get off our fucking lawn, you blood sucking maggots!”

Gail Mackenzie-Smith
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