[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Uncle Jang Song Thaek Truly Astonished by His Nephew’s Surprise Party

Nephew always playing tricks on Uncle Jang Song Thaek

Jang Song Thaek, second top gun in the North Korean Political Machine and uncle to the country’s President Kim Jon Un, was truly astonished at the surprise party his nephew had for him on Tuesday.

Kim Jon Un uncle Jang Song Thaek
Kim Jon Un’s uncle Jang Song Thaek, in better times.

“This is amazing!” stated Jang, who seemed genuinely astonished by the large contingent of soldiers waiting for him outside the Politburo. “But it isn’t even my birthday!”

“Oh, don’t concern yourself with that, dear Uncle! You are such a favorite of mine that every day should be a birthday,” schmoozled Jong Un, wearing the best smile he could summon at the moment. “I have assembled this entire platoon to escort us as we take a walk along the river.”

“Why that is very fine of you, dear nephew!” smiled Jang broadly. “Of late I had been getting the impression that you were tired of me. I know this has not been an easy year for us, what with your fathers death and all the intrigues of the office that comes with your learning to be the new Great Leader.”

“Yes, dear Uncle, you have taught me well. I would never have guest that such double-dealings were going on just beneath the surfaces of our wonderful socialist society. It is amazing how some cannot exist simply on the goodness of our co-operative nation that so greatly takes care of its people!”

“Indeed, young Un. One must have a third eye always open to beware the snares that the spiders among us set. My, is not the Taedong River lovely today?”

“It is, Exalted Uncle, it is. It is ever a part of us. For some of us it will even be more so…”

“Oh,” uttered Jang, not really understanding.

Un suddenly stopped a few paces ahead of Jang and abruptly turned around. “Here Uncle! We wish to make a photo shoot.”

“Oh, again? Oh, well, I guess we must always have photos for the masses to remind them of our benevolent presence watching over them.”

“Yes Uncle. And especially yours. You have been leading so many around by the nose. Stand here please, with your back to the river.”

“I oblige. But aren’t we a bit close to the water?”

“No, dear Leader Uncle. Just you.”

“Well, as you wish.”

“We are going to start off with a 40 shotgun salute to you.”

“Umm, don’t you mean 40 gun salute, Leader Nephew? And isn’t that a machine gun?”

“Sweetest Uncle, it is in all forms a recognition of your service. Goodbye!”

Roger Freed