[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Tea Party Candidate Says Opponent Ate His Brain, Used It to Outsmart Him

Timothy Ray Murray admitted his Tea Party career could be enhanced by his now half a brain, however.

Tea Party candidate Timothy Ray Murray has changed his tune, and is now saying his Republican challenger, Rep. Frank Lucas, is actually a zombie who ate his brain, and used it to outsmart him in the recent primary race.

tea party zombie
Tea Party candidate Timothy Ray Murray, looking a bit worse for the wear.

Previously, Murray had charged that the ‘Frank Lucas’ who beat him was just a body double, and that the real candidate was dead.

“I just said that because I knew people would think I was crazy if I told the truth,” said the Tea Party darling. “But I guess they did anyway.”

Asked if having his brain eaten also makes him a zombie, Murray seemed momentarily taken aback. “Hmm, I didn’t think of that,” he said. “But in my defense, it’s hard to think when you only have half a brain.”

“I was much smarter than him before all this, which is why I thought I’d make a better congressman,” Murray said. “Now I don’t know what I’ll do. Where would an ignorant bastard with half a brain be welcome?”

It was then that his impaired synapses fired once again: “Oh, come to think of it, I suppose the best place for me would still be Congress!”

James Israel
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