[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

New Hope for Devils Who Have Been Cast Out

Support groups for devils and demons provided

Because Satan is known for his fire-breathing reaction to the failure of any of his minions sent to drag a soul back to hell with them, it is understandable that devils who have been cast out are reluctant to return to their fiery home. Tens of thousands are roaming the earth, not knowing how to find someone eager to sell his or her soul.

devil v jesus
Actual photo of Jesus arm-wrestling Satan.

Recognizing the potential for a unique match making agency that could serve this population, an enterprising young woman has created a lucrative business in, of course, Sin City, Las Vegas.

If your losses at the roulette or crap tables have led you to the point of desperation, rather than jump off your hotel balcony, you can now visit the new agency, Soul Mates.

Miss Match, the proprietor, will team you up with the demon that is the best fit for your soul profile, and after you sign the contract relinquishing your soul, you can return to the casino to break the bank, with 20% guaranteed to the agency.

While she is building her human clientele, Miss Match provides support groups for the demons, led by members of the local coven or by therapists specially trained to communicate with devils through a course she teaches at the local community college.

A number of the demons have tried to seduce and enter Miss Match, but she has made it clear that she is quite capable of evil-doing without their assistance. She had planned to branch out with a division for politicians and captains of industry, but discovered that most were already possessed by demons.

Diane de Anda