[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Sam Harris: A Sensationalist Creationist

Leading religious critic turns creationist, renounces atheism

In a shocking interview with Bill O’Reilly on Fox News yesterday, Sam Harris announced he is now a creationist, renouncing atheism — much to the dismay of many a religious skeptic.

creationist“Yes, Bill, one can only listen to that nonsense spouted by Dawkins and Krauss for so long,” he stated on the show.

Harris, once regarded as a leading contemporary religious critic, said that “he found the light” after reading Dr Jonathan Sarfati‘s The Greatest Hoax on Earth? Refuting Dawkins on Evolution.

Mr. Harris told O’Reilly, “According to Genesis, the book, not the band, the Flood caused the Ice Age. You know, Sarafati talks about it in a way that appeals to logic and reason. The water came from underground — this resulted in warmer oceans and a significant increase in global snowfall. God moves in mysterious ways. I’m not just cheerleading Intelligent Design, Bill. Honestly, I think Intelligent Geography is also a viable option for American schools.”

Harris, a So You Think You Can Dance fanatic and winner of Hell’s Kitchen Season 5, continued; “Dawkins, Shermer, Nye, if you want to stand up for the lie of evolution, help yourself, but I will not swallow the poisonous juice that Satan has ejaculated into the institution of academia, nor will I stand for someone describing the Bible’s take on creation as figurative or allegorical. You may believe in an old earth and monkey ancestry, but you are going against the Word of God. By the way, OJ was innocent.”

The ever-so-smug O’Reilly finished the interview by stating, “Sam, it is a real delight to hear you say all this, but the science community rejects the notion that all the dinosaurs could have fit on Noah’s Ark. How do you respond to their narrow-mindedness?”

“Good question, Bill. Well, all animals, including Brachiosaurus, Pteranodon, and the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex, were led, two by two, onto the Ark. Anyway, Noah collected baby dinosaurs, nice and compact. Interestingly, whenever the word ‘dragon’ is used in the Old Testament, what’s really meant is ‘dinosaur.’ That’s a fact, and you can’t argue with facts.”

Sam’s latest book, Letter to a Christian Nation: Sorry for the first Letter, is now available on Amazon and wherever fine books are sold.

John Glynn