Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates

The 2016 Presidential Election is rolling out candidates with snail-like excitement and colorful shades of gray-toned vibrancy.

The Republican Party is beginning to wheel out their musty Presidential hopefuls for the public to gawk at. What is not commonly known is that each and every one of the candidates is a surgically-altered Borg.

Republicans Cheney Bush Borg candidates For those non-geeks who are unfamiliar with Borgdom Borgs, they are humans who have been partially replicated with computerized parts, making them half-machines with the machine part having dominance.

The Repub surgeons are masters at tweaking somewhat normal human candidates (remember — they are Republicans to begin with) and adding just the right amount of mechanisms to be able to control them thoroughly while still making them seem human outwardly.

They put in the right amount of seemingly normal humanistic traits to convince the public that the candidates are really like them and understand their troubles, then dump in enough finely tuned robotic characteristics to make them ruthless attendants to the corporate elite who are the real juice providers to the Campaign.

As an added measure this election cycle, the political Masters have added a new color dye into the batch — mostly a fine shade of brown; not too much, not too little, just enough to woo Latino voters over to their side of the fence.

Chief operating Borgs Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are fine examples of this new model of semi-simulant candidates. A specially synthesized chorus of mental implants make them seem to understand the frustrations of most white and off-color Americans while another inserted chip makes them seem to be compañeros to the Hispanic listeners of their drivel.

All 2015 operating Borgs have been specially programmed to vindictively hate and attack anything said or put forth by present President Barack Obama. A specialized chip is inserted that makes the Borgs nitpick over any mistake an enemy combatant … excuse me, campaigner, makes. There is also an automatic scathing attack response mode impressed upon their circuits, designed to trigger a reaction against Hillary Clinton or any other Democratic candidate who dares show their head above the ground.

This special class of highly automated Borg candidates are adept at smiling on cue at certain responses, foaming at the mouth at perceived enemies, uttering “patriotic” chatter at the drop of a hat, saying exactly what the voting public most wants to hear and acting only on the real wishes of the political, military and financial elite of this country. There is also a special modem installed that his highly tuned to perceive the best way to funnel campaign funds in their direction. The Borg engineers are making sure they have all their bases covered.

The Koch Brothers have made sure that there is a special chip inserted into each Republican Borg that allows them to take over total control and manually run any individual Borg that they find straying from the program. (You could say they have the ability to ‘put Martin Cruz on cruise control’.)

Meanwhile, on the liberal side of things, Hillary Rodman Clinton has announced herself as a candidate for the Democrats. Now WHO could have seen that coming???

Roger Freed