Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Jeb Bush has a ‘YouTube’ page
Mostly, because they don’t make a ‘GoingDownTheTubes’ page.
Man who voiced Charlie Brown gets prison in California case
At sentencing all the judge said was ‘Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaa.’
Lake Titicaca: South American lake plagued by pollution and invasive species, report says
On the upside, it’s fun saying ‘Titicaca.’
As a boss, Carly Fiorina was a contradictory figure at Hewlett-Packard
If you contradicted her you got fired…
El Niño sends deadly snakes to SoCal
And, I just thought it was the election year bringing them there to raise money.
Trump rips ‘Time Magazine’ after being snubbed for ‘Person of the Year’
In fairness, it is owned by foreigners and a rich Muslim… no that’s FOX, never mind.
Why the world hates Exxon/Mobil
I’m guessing because the price of gas is going up and down faster Caitlyn Jenner’s testosterone and estrogen levels.
Happy 99th birthday, Kirk Douglas
When he made Spartacus, it was a contemporary film.
Paris Hilton bares backside for Paper magazine
As opposed to her usual pose as a pain in the ass.
Dick Cheney: Former Vice President says Trump’s Muslim ban ‘goes against everything we stand for’
Because, as the old saying goes, ‘oil’s well that ends with an oil well.’
Joe Walsh: Former Congressman says ‘Islam is evil’ and a ‘cancer’
Also, says no plans for Eagles reunion…
Supremacists turn on Coulter after discovering she dates black men, cancel speech
So, it’s true, once you go black you’re never invited back.
Israel exported gold to North Korea
Now we’re talking ‘gelt by association.’
President Obama just ended ‘No Child Left Behind’
Interestingly, ‘No Child Left Behind’ has now been left behind.