Donald Trump’s Candidacy Causes Shake-up in Heaven

Spirits supporting Trump hold a rally

St. Peter: (Telepathically texting a message to Archangel Michael) “Can you take a squadron of your angels and see what all the noise is about in the far right side of heaven? It’s a lot more raucous than the congratulations party we had for Mother Teresa… er St. Teresa of Calcutta last week.”

St Peter on TrumpSt. Michael: (responding immediately because spirits move instantaneously) “I’ve checked it out and it’s another rally by the Know Nothing Party spirits, the few that made it here anyway. They have their protoplasm in a bunch, because they feel they got cheated by having their perfect standard bearer running for President a century and a half too late.”

St. Peter: “I don’t understand why they’re complaining now. There have been plenty of racist and anti-immigrant candidates in the past 150 years. They didn’t make that much of a fuss over George Wallace. What’s so different about Donald Trump?’

St. Michael: “They say that for the first time, there is a candidate that really Knows Nothing!”

St. Peter: “Well, they’ve earned themselves a demotion. Herd them all back to Purgatory for a couple of centuries. We’ve reserved a big section in the far right for anyone who votes for Trump.”

St. Michael: “Believe it or not, they’re all excited. Given his age, they are looking forward to his joining them in just a few years. Should I give them the bad news?”

St. Peter: “Nah, they’ll figure it out when he doesn’t show up in the next century.”

St. Michael: “I’ll give them a hint. When he passes on, I’ll let them know he was ‘Fired.'”

Diane de Anda