The Jerry Duncan Show: Senator Al Franken interview

Our intrepid radio talk show host interviews Senator Al Franken!

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

Al Franken donkey hotey
Sen. Al Franken. Image by donkeyhotey, flickr.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Minnesota Senator Al Franken.

AL FRANKEN

You got it wrong. I’m Stuart Little.

JERRY

Oh yeah, like in the movie Stuart Saves His Family. Everybody was hoping you’d die in the first two seconds.

FRANKEN

That hurts my feelings.

JERRY

It’s a compliment compared to the reviews.

FRANKEN

But I was a successful writer and performer for 15 years on Saturday Night Live.

JERRY

And I skipped two years in nursery school. Knuckles.

FRANKEN

Ouch!

JERRY

Oops. I forgot that I was wearing brass knuckles. So you’ve written a few books about the political right. You attacked Bill O’Reilly, Ted Cruz and others.

FRANKEN

I like Ted Cruz more than my other colleagues like Cruz. And I hate him.

JERRY

(laughing) Remember what Lindsey Graham said, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, nobody would convict you.”

Franken and Jerry laughing hysterically.

FRANKEN

Cruz sounds like a mosquito who just got hit with bug spray.

JERRY

He’s the love child of Joe McCarthy and Dracula.

FRANKEN

(serious) Watch it buddy. You just stole my material.

JERRY

You were against the nomination of Jeff Sessions for Attorney General. But in spite of it, he was approved by the Senate.

FRANKEN

Of course I’m disappointed. Sessions is against affirmative action, made it difficult for minorities to vote and proved he was a descendent of Fred Flintstone. Now I can’t watch another cartoon.

JERRY

Are you running for office after your term is up?

FRANKEN

Of course I am. Minnesota needs me.

JERRY

Right. Like another blizzard.

FRANKEN

I’ve reformed Wall Street, introduced a Farm Bill to meet the needs of farmers and ranchers, cut health cares costs and forced Senators to listen to my jokes.

JERRY

What do you do for fun?

FRANKEN

I kvetch.

JERRY

Kvetch? You must have forgot a vowel.

FRANKEN

It’s a Yiddish word that means complain.

JERRY

Then I must be a kvetcher.

FRANKEN

No. You’re a putz.

JERRY

That sounds better. Thank you.

FRANKEN

I have to go, Duncan. My wife wants me to pick up some ribs for dinner. And as you can see from my physique, I don’t miss a meal.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. His play The Boys of Winter received an IRNE Award nomination for best new play by the New England Theatres Critic Association and was the Critic’s Pick in The Boston Globe. He is presently developing a screenplay that will be directed by Scott Rosenfelt, the producer of the box office hits Home Alone and Mystic Pizza.