The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Michael Avenatti

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Michael Avenatti, attorney for porn star Stormy Daniels.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guest today is Michael Avenatti, attorney for porn star Stormy Daniels.

Michael Avenatti, attorney for porn star Stormy Daniels.
Michael Avenatti, attorney for porn star Stormy Daniels.

MICHAEL AVENATTI

Hello.

JERRY

You’re a busy man.

AVENATTI

Yeah. I only had time the past two months to divorce my wife.

JERRY

Let me get this straight. Michael Cohen, Trump’s attorney paid Stormy $130,000 to keep quiet about her affair with the Trumpster.

AVENATTI

Yes. It happened shortly before the  2016 presidential election. Smell a rat?

JERRY

Just the fart I let rip.

AVENATTI

Oh man. That reeks.

JERRY

Sorry. I guess beans and franks aren’t a good breakfast combo. Michael, what is the sharpest thing in the world?

AVENATTI

Me.

JERRY

You conceded idiot, a fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t leave a hole.

AVENATTI

You’re a deep thinker, Duncan. I admire that.

JERRY

You worked on 150 political campaigns in 42 states.

AVENATTI

Yes. Including one of  Joe Biden’s Senate bid. Successfully I might add. Politics is a lucrative hobby.

JERRY

Then what is your passion?

AVENATTI

Seeing Donald Trump go to jail. He lied about Stormy and their affaire in 2006. Let the punishment fit the crime.

A door slams.

STORMY

You bet he lied!

JERRY

Wow. The real Stormy Daniels. Also known as Stephanie Clifford and Peggy Peterson.

STORMY

I understand you’ve been a naughty boy, so I’m here to spank you.

JERRY

That sounds dangerous. My butt is so big that when I was born, the doctor said to my mom “Congratulations! Twins!”

STORMY

I’m a big girl. I can handle anything.

JERRY

How about three marriages and you’re only 39 years old?

STORMY

I’m single now, and it’s really weird for me to be dating again because for the last three years I’ve just been cheating.

JERRY

You’re a famous porn star, director and producer.

STORMY

I was named Best New Starlet in 2004 and since then I’ve risen to the top of the industry. Life is good. Even got into politics when I ran against Louisiana Senator David Vitter in 2009. Another politician who couldn’t keep his pants zipped up.

JERRY

What happened?

STORMY

I had to leave the race when my campaign manager’s car was blown up. After that I made a pact with the man above that I would stick to entertaining.

JERRY

Hey Stormy, why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?

STORMY

Hmm. No clue.

JERRY

So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.

STORMY

Geez, I didn’t know those little things get tired.

JERRY

Sex with the Trumpster. Tell me about it.

STORMY

The truth is Donald was bad in bed. By the time he finished, I was having a hamburger at Denny’s.

AVENATTI

Jerry, Stormy is an intellectual who will make a great witness when I call her to the stand in the Michael Cohen trial. When I’m done, Cohen will be the boob everyone will be talking about.

STORMY

You mean I wasted all that money on my 36 double d implants?

JERRY

No. You can apply for a job at Hooters. They’ll give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out.

AVENATTI

You’re a genius, Duncan.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.
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