The Trumpanos: A New HBO Series

Screenplay for a new HBO series that’s bound to be a big hit: “The Trumpanos”

Logline: “Orange Daddy” Trumpano’s crime family fight their way to the top of organized crime by taking down the Republicano Syndicate in a fiery NYC blaze in this exciting new HBO Series.

trump, sopranos, HBO seriesThe visual mood for the series is established during the opening credits:

Trumpano Tower, NYC. Camera pans from the soaring gold façade to an adjoining alley where a pigeon waddles atop a dumpster. From above flops a slice of pizza, then a fork. As the pigeon turns to peck at the pizza, a falcon sweeps in and carries it aloft.

Synopsis/Key Scenes for the pilot:

Close up of Mitch “The Muzzle” McConnell, a Made Man of the Republicano Syndicate, as he cries out against the chaos enveloping his empire. The syndicate has been muscled out of gambling and numbers by the Wall Street Mob. Their attempt to regain control of the “insurance” protection racket from the Democratino Family is in disarray. Women are kicking their muscle boys in the nuts. Kids, usually an easy mark, are refusing to go back to factory work.  While shooting minorities breeds cohesion in the ranks, profit can be made by sending them to private prisons – it’s a dilemma. The elderly resist being shell-gamed out of their homes. Only their old allies, the Christian Right Posse, remain staunch defenders of their prostitution of values.

It’s time for a bold move.

“The Muzzle,” meets with his bosses, the Kochco Brothers. The Kochcos made their ruthless reputation by destroying the ozone layer (“They put real meaning behind, “Burn baby, burn.””)

“The Muzzle” proposes a sinister plan to save the empire. The Trumpano Family, a scrappy but erratic gang of low-level hoods, will be recruited. “Orange Daddy” will be installed as CEO of Republicano Prisons. Then the prison will be torched to collect the insurance. The fire will be blamed on the heads of the Democratino Family, Willie Clitorino and his wife, Hellerino.

The pivotal scene opens with “Orange Daddy” holding a family meeting in his master bathroom while sitting on a gold toilet. (“I am the master, this is my master bathroom, this is my masturbation toilet, it is gold, like me.”) “Orange Daddy” sits like Rodin’s sculpture, The Thinker, lost in thought as he stares at the breasts of his daughter, Invoka. Invoka is his favorite, his most trusted child, and what a pair! “Orange Daddy” has been warned by his trusted advisor, Steve “The Wacko” Bannonuto to, “Remember the fate of King Lear.” To which Trumpano answers, “How can I not leer? Am I not a man? Are these not lips? Do they not curl?”

After profound deliberation, and Invoka giggling and slapping his hand several times, “Orange Daddy,” rouses himself.

“My son,” growls Trumpano, his lips flapping in a sucking motion.

“Yes, daddy?”

“No, not you Invoka, my cupcakes with cherries on top. I’m speaking to Orange Junior.”

“Yes, sodfather?” asks “The Douchebag.”

“I have an important task for you, my son.”

“Yes, sodfather, though she is my sister, I will kill her.”

“What are you talking about? The job is to burn Republicano Prison.”

“With her inside?”

“Who her? What are you talking about? The Republicanos put me in charge of their entire pay-for-prison operation. I’ll get you inside. You burn it down.”

“The Douchebag” is pleased. He’s always been cocky, confident, and incompetent, so he sees this as an opportunity to prove himself worthy of respect, something the Trumpanos lost years ago in a failed hair-coloring business.

“The Douchebag” seeks out Rasputin Putino, a shadowy underworld figure who was fired by the KGB for being “Just too mean to not have a chin.” Believing himself a shrewd operator, “The Douchebag” tries playing Putino. He offers to pay the gangster no money, only the promise of “A percent of the big wall my daddy is building.” in exchange for untraceable flammables.

Putino is no fool. He recognizes the scam, having once sold Sochi, “a beautiful city on the Black Sea,” to the Winter Olympics committee. Regardless, he thinks this as an opportunity to curry favor with the Trumpanos who he sees as potential allies in his quest for world domination or five more inches in stature.

The plot turn comes when, during the meeting with Putino, “The Douchebag” accidentally sets his own pants on fire. The fire rages out of control. It not only burns down Republicano Prison, but the entire block, including Republicano headquarters, known as The Senate, and their outhouse, The House.

The Republicano’s are furious. Suspicion falls on the Trumpanos after “Orange Daddy” Tweets, “Liar, liar, pants on fire!” and “The Douchebag” is found wearing pants on fire.

Can the Trumpanos take the heat? Will the next episode unleash sibling rivalry or consenting child abuse?

Closing credits roll with the smoldering remains of the once-great Republicano Empire in the background. Camera pans to Trumpano Tower, safely out of the flames. Zoom in on “Orange Daddy,” “The Douchebag,” and Invoka exiting a limo parked in front. Zoom closer through the door. Inside, the Kochco Brothers toast one another with Champaign as their driver, Putino, speeds away, eager to run over inattentive pedestrians.

Credits roll, as do the bodies.

Fade to eternal black.

The end.

Tom Ballard
Latest posts by Tom Ballard (see all)