The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews first daughter Ivanka Trump and former first daughter Chelsea Clinton.

ANNOUNCER

From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton.

Chelsea Clinton and Ivanka Trump interview. Ivanka Trump image by DonkeyHotey
Ivanka Trump. Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Hello ladies.

IVANKA TRUMP

You remind me so much of my father.

CHELSEA CLINTON

Yes. You do remind me of her father.

JERRY

Hey! That can be taken two ways.

CHELSEA

Just sayin.

JERRY

Okay, wisecracker. Remember when Senator John McCain said that Attorney General Janet Reno was your father?

CHELSEA

That rube. Do you know why it took so long for McCain to release his medical records?

JERRY

No.

CHELSEA

Because the archeologists had to find them first.

IVANKA

(laughs) That’s a good one, Chelsea. I’ll have to tell my dad. He’s always thinking of ways to insult the late Senator.

JERRY

What are you laughing about? You ripped off guests at the Trump International Hotel in DC during your father’s inauguration. Raised the price of rooms, meals and rental spaces.

IVANKA

Stealing isn’t so easy, Duncan. It’s hard work. Otherwise, we’d all be doing it.

CHELSEA

The Trumps are thieves. They redistributed the wealth in America with a tax cut.

IVANKA

Like your parents didn’t take money under the table through the Clinton Foundation. Check the pockets of your mother’s pantsuits.

CHELSEA

How dare you make such an accusation. I’m going to email her right now to prove you’re lying.

IVANKA

You can’t.

CHELSEA

Why?

IVANKA

Because she’ll delete it.

JERRY

You both worked on your parents presidential campaigns.

CHELSEA

I worked on Hillary’s campaigns in 2008 against Obama and in 2016 against the Trumpster. What a bummer in the end.

IVANKA

I was on the winning team. Thank goodness for my brother Donald Trump, Jr, who knows more Russians than Putin.

JERRY

Tell me about your family.

IVANKA

My husband Jared and I have three darling children. Every Passover we go skiing. The kids love playing in the snow and throwing matzo balls at each other.

JERRY

What’s their names?

IVANKA

Lox, Ann, Bagels.

CHELSEY

Yummy.

JERRY

So you two were friends before Trump got elected.

IVANKA

Good buds. We went to dinner, shopped. Chelsea even bought clothes from my fashion line.

JERRY

You mean the junk that was made in China.

IVANKA

There’s an old Chinese proverb. “Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.”

JERRY

“Man who runs in front of car gets “tired.” “Man who runs behind a car gets “exhausted.”

CHELSEA

We also share a dark side. Both of our father-in-laws were in prison.

IVANKA

I think that is so cool.

CHELSEA

Did you know Ivanka and I were forced to sit next to each other at President George H.W. Bush’s funeral?

JERRY

Really?

CHELSEA

Her breath was so nasty. I didn’t know whether to give her a Tic Tac or toilet paper.

IVANKA

Not funny. You just dissed me on national radio.

CHELSEA

Before I came here today, I looked up Ivanka’s family tree and found out she was the sap.

IVANKA

Well. The FBI director told me that you were born on a highway.

CHELSEA

How would he know?

IVANKA

That’s where most accidents happen.

JERRY

Man, this is out of control.

CHELSEA

Ivanka. See this long thing in front of your face? I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I need it.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.