The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Congresswoman Maxine Waters

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Representative Maxine Waters.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is U.S. House Representative for the 43rd Congressional District of California, Maxine Waters.

Maxine WatersMAXINE WATERS

Hello.

JERRY

There’s so much to talk about.

WATERS

Let me start by saying. Someone in this studio farted and as a member of Congress, I’m gonna find out who did it.

JERRY

Get a grip. A fart is a lonely cry of an abandoned turd. Didn’t you learn anything in biology?

WATERS

I was too busy disrupting class.

JERRY

You’re 81 years olds.

WATERS

Yes, sir. I’ve been in the House of Representatives for 29 years.

JERRY

And what a run. Chair of the Congressional Black Caucus, ranking member of the House Financial Services Committee, and redefining stupidity on a daily basis.

WATERS

The only stupid thing I did was tell Trump supporters that they weren’t welcome anywhere.

JERRY

Yeah. Trump went off the rails after that remark and called you Crazy Maxine Waters.

WATERS

Who cares? Do you know why Republicans insist on supporting Trump?

JERRY

No.

WATERS

Because they believe in taking a baby to full term.

JERRY

I got a surprise for you. Representing the Trump administration is the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Dr. Ben Carson.

(shouting) Hey, Sleepy. You’re up. Where are you?

The door opens. Then slams shut.

CARSON

Hi Mr. Duncan and Congresswoman Waters. I’ll take your questions.

JERRY

Okay. You said that African slaves came to this country to pursue the American dream. Are you nuts?! They were in chains and working for plantation owners for no money.

CARSON

Not my great, great grandfather. He went to college so he could pickup his Master’s degree.

WATER

C’mon. You’re so stupid. I heard you stuck a battery up your rear and said, ” I GOT THE POWER.”

CARSON

So. I heard you put two quarters in your ears and thought you were listening to 50 Cent.

JERRY

Let’s talk about what just happened this past year.

WATERS

Trump broke all his promises to the middle class. We paid most of the income taxes in this country and the top billion dollar corporations paid zero. I’m so broke, I go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers.

CARSON

I admit things could be better. Take my advice, the safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.

WATERS

Say what? I think you’d make a good poster for birth control.

JERRY

Who are you supporting for president in 2020, Maxine?

WATERS

Joe Biden is my man. And if he can’t do it, I can.

JERRY

You would consider getting into the race?

WATERS

Absolutely.

JERRY

Because it is hilarious is not a good reason to run for office.

CARSON

Maxine is a loser. Her behavior is unruly and turbulent. I understand the human mind, because I’m a brain surgeon.

WATERS

Hey, Carson. Knock, knock.

CARSON

Who’s there?

WATERS

Ben.

CARSON

Ben who?

WATERS

Bend over, because I’m gonna kick your butt.

JERRY

Have you ever tried anger management?

WATERS

Yes, I have. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone. Wait! What are you doing with that baseball bat?

WATERS

Your heart is my pinata.

JERRY

Help! I still have a lifetime of insults. Go after Ben.

WATERS

You’re right, Duncan. (angry) Lick my boots, Carson or I’ll be doing brain surgery after I hit you over the head with my Louisville slugger.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.