[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

‘New Hope for Every Ova’: Alabama Doubles Down on New Abortion Law

Alabama decides new abortion law doesn’t go far enough.

The Governor of Alabama and the Alabama legislature have decided that their new anti-abortion law does not go far enough.

alabama gov Ivey, abortion lawStanding on the capitol steps today with the legislators behind her, the governor announced, “Every woman who is not pregnant, or in or past menopause, commits murder every month by letting the little ova who has worked its way down the fallopian tube to become a human being die a bloody death! Every single one of these little fellas deserves a chance to life.”

An incredulous reporter quickly asked, “Are you suggesting that the state of Alabama is going to prosecute and arrest most of the women in your state who are of childbearing age?”

“We’re going to give them options,” answered the governor. “After a few months to heal after their last delivery, women can provide evidence that they are trying to become pregnant.”

Another puzzled reporter asked, “How can the woman provide evidence?”

“Simple,” replied the governor, “her husband will fill out a form every six months indicating that his wife agreed to have sex with him a minimum of three times per week.”

“But what if the man has had or decides to have a vasectomy?” shouted a reporter.

“We would NEVER tell a man what he should do with his own body,” was the quick reply.

“What about unmarried women, young teens, and even nuns,” smirked another reporter.

“We’re still working out those details,” the governor responded. “We’re having some gynecologists led by Dr. Stutts (once all his malpractice lawsuits have been settled) working on a pill that will keep the eggs in their egg sack, the um… um… um… oh yes, ovaries, until the woman is married, saving up all those little babies.”

After the press conference, this reporter quickly called one of Alabama’s most prominent pro-choice leaders to get her opinion on the governor and legislators’ proposal.

“No worry,” she replied. “What husband is going to admit that his wife refused to have sex with him three times a week.”

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Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire. Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.
Diane de Anda

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