The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews General Secretary of China Xi Jinping & Trump

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews General Secretary of China Xi Jinping and President Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is is a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guests today are the General Secretary of China Xi Jinping and President Donald Trump.

Xi Jinping DonkeyHotey
China’s Xi Jinping. Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

XI JINPING

All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.

TRUMP

If you want pretty nurse, you must be patient.

JERRY

Have you clowns been eating marijuana fortune cookies?

XI

Oh, my fault. I tell baker, cookies for Mar-a-Lago. He think marijuana.

TRUMP

Hey, Xi. What do you get when you eat marijuana?

XI

No cru.

TRUMP

A pot belly.

XI

(laughs) Like you, Trumpster.

TRUMP

Not funny. Not funny.

JERRY

I want to know what you accomplished at the G20 Summit in Japan.

TRUMP

Trade talks will continue. No increased tariffs. This is HUGE.

XI

Now we sell shoes to midgets in U.S.

TRUMP

And we sell our vegetables to China. I’m exporting Jeff Sessions, Scott Pruitt, Wilbur Ross, Ryan Zinke and Tom Price for starters. I’m giving Xi “The Swamp.” What a deal. What a deal.

XI

We both winners!

JERRY

General Secretary Xi. What do you do in your spare time? Any hobbies?

XI

I Chinese checkers champ.

JERRY

Did you have stiff competition?

XI

Yes. They stiff. All dead.

TRUMP

That’s how it should be. If Tiger Woods and all these golfers just disappeared, I’d be the champ of all the Opens. I wouldn’t have to cheat. I wouldn’t have to cheat.

XI

I going to read a love letter I write Trumpster.

TRUMP

But I can’t cheat on my girlfriend Vladimir Putin. He’ll kill me.

XI

Understand.

XI

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

There’s aways an Asian smarter than you.

TRUMP

I’m an extremely stable genius. I plan to bring America back into the 19th century. More coal mines, oil wells as far as the eye can see, and steam locomotives hauling freight coast to coast. By the way, can I get a deal on some Chinese workers to lay railroad tracks?

XI

Will you buy steel from China?

TRUMP

Yes.

XI

How much you pay workers?

TRUMP

Ten bucks an hour and all the food they can eat at Pei Wei.

XI

Can purchase Chinatown in San Francisco?

TRUMP

Absolutely. I’ll even throw in the Chinese rapper Vanilla Rice.

JERRY

Trumpster. You’re giving away the country!

TRUMP

“I’m not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a hand basket, I won’t lose a penny.”

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.
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