[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

L’état, C’est Qui?

Despite the controversy, the British ambassador was not the only one to secretly trash The Donald.

Kim Darroch, the British ambassador to the United States, has resigned over his leaked negative assessment of President Donald Trump and his administration. Mr. Darroch reported in confidence that Trump was inept, incompetent and insecure. Apparently, however, he was not the only one to secretly trash The Donald.

Kim Darroch, former British ambassador to the United States
Kim Darroch, former British ambassador to the United States.

The French ambassador also had a few choice words about Trump including “stupide,” “idiote” and “le plus grand jerk de la mémoire récente.” Luckily for him, either his written appraisal was not leaked or no one in the White House was able to translate it.

The German ambassador reportedly referred to the U. S. President as “Dummkopf,” “Fadenkopf,” “Schwachkopf” and a number of other “Kopfs,” none of which appear to be very flattering. The least offensive characterization was “goldener Kopf” which loosely translates as “golden head.”

Mexico’s ambassador sent a brief assessment back to Mexico City which, of course, was in Spanish and thus not comprehensible to most folks in Washington. However, reporters did see local politicians with a Latino background like Julian Castro, Marco Rubio and even Ted Cruz reading the report and laughing uproariously.

The Canadian ambassador also took aim at Trump in his confidential assessment but still managed to remain polite. “He’s a bit of a doofus, eh?”, “We’re glad he’s American” and “Sorry but he’s not too bright is he?” were just a few of the Canadian’s observations.

Even Iceland’s ambassador chimed in and claimed to be taking some nasty shots at Trump although virtually no one had any idea what he said in his memo to Reykjavík since it was entirely in Icelandic.

Rumor has it that the President tried to counter all this negativity by resurrecting his fake publicist persona John Miller. Posing as the Australian or possibly Austrian or maybe even Albanian ambassador, Mr. Miller pretended to report back to the folks in Canberra (or maybe Vienna or possibly even Tirana) that Donald Trump is “an extremely stable genius,” has “a very high IQ” and is “so great looking and smart.”

The ambassador from Nambia was contacted by Trump who was looking for some supportive comments. Since Nambia exists only in Donald Trump’s mind, he was able to double as the Nambian ambassador and praise his own hugeness, whether it was his Inaugural crowd, his electoral victory or his hands.

David Martin
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