Detroit Board of Education Stunned by Student Revolt

Highly perceptive students embarrass board by protesting lack of actual education

Student RevoltDETROIT — Top educators in Detroit are scratching their heads and wondering how they could have missed the fact that their city schools are filled with kids who actually want to learn.

Their first and only clue came last Thursday when about 50 students who attend Frederick Douglass Academy in the Motor City left their classrooms and began protesting in front of the school.

No, it wasn’t because pink slime had been banned from the cafeteria. It wasn’t because they weren’t allowed to bring their cell phones to school, and it wasn’t because there was too much homework—quite the opposite.

Students at the all-boy academy were actually complaining because there was no homework. In fact, the protest arose because the students say they are being denied the right to a decent education.

“Who knew,” said Faye Cradenshul, a key administrator who works for the Detroit Public School System.

“I mean, who knew they would even notice if we just sat them in classrooms and let them fend for themselves. We figured they’d be happy as a bunch of Ferris Buellers,” she said, referring to the infamous movie about a high school kid who faked illness to get a day off school.

In reality, it was the teachers who were acting like a bunch of Buellers, one of which so far has tallied more than 68 days of sick time, leaving the students to teach themselves math.

Evidently, the self-teaching paid off as the students were able to put two and two together in order to realize they were getting one raw deal from Detroit educators.

Unfortunately, the protest backfired. Instead of getting teachers to realize they were willing to sit in class and actually learn something, the student protesters were suspended and sent home.

“That’ll teach them a lesson they’ll never forget,” said Cradenshul.

P. Beckert