‘Salmonella 101’ – It’s Funny NOW!

Salmonella 101

Don’t get me wrong; I do celebrate Thanksgiving – but there’s a lot more praying!

‘THANKSGIVING’ means different things to different people!  For some it’s Norman Rockwell-esque – family all around as Dad starts to cut the Turkey.

Don’t get ahead of me!

Let’s say, Thanksgiving is not my favorite Holiday.  Details?  As Jack Nicholson might say, ‘You can’t handle the Details’!

I certainly don’t want to ruin your next Thanksgiving; as mine have all these past 50 years or so – so, think of this as a Public Service Announcement!

I was 13 years old minding my own business – living in Southeast, Washington, D.C.  My older sister’s new fiance & his family of 7 were invited for the first time to our small apartment we rented on the 2nd floor of a private home – with no front door to call our own.  Added to our family of 5; on this day of infamy – my Mother went all out.

Just to set the record straight – my parents never entertained before & as I recall; none since either.

But, how to be delicate; yet make you slightly nauseous to feel my pain?

Salmonella hit our family & guests at 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 & Midnight like a staggered Blitz on Normandy:

My father on the road in his Taxi & me when I was starting to love life!

Who remembers anyone else’ story – and who cares!

The culprit?  My mother stuffed the Turkey, put the Turkey in the refrigerator & cooked it in the morning.

That’s a big no-no; but there wasn’t any ‘Butterball Hotlines’ or Google in those days – we had to fly by the seat of our pants.

And, in this case; unfortunately – they were full!  

Not to be too graphic but – candles were not the only thing burning at both ends!

And, to this day; when I pass the Turkeys at a grocery store – I wear one of those Horse Blinders, so I’m not reminded!

I do that with Feminine Products too – but that’s another story!

Oh, my sister’s wedding?  It came off without a hitch!

And, the rest of them?

Nothing serious, but his Aunt’s hair sticks straight up when she hears ‘Candied Yams’!

We’re no fools, we’re starting to have a Cover Charge!

Salmonella 101

The following two tabs change content below.
Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. A Contributor to "Humor Times Magazine" while pitching her 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play about the 1st Off-Line Dating Site, 'Eden' where Adam & Eve get busy! Proud to announce her new book, "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines can be purchased now in Paperback & ebook on amazon.com/dp/1733487409 It's for anyone who's ever been Single! And, she says, "If this piece of literature happens to turn up in your John as Toilet Humor - so be it. Who am I kidding - with a Title like I have - I wouldn't be surprised"!
Share
Share