Escalating Stratagems for Avoiding Overeating This Holiday Season

My strategy for avoiding overeating this year.

Avoiding overeating holiday treats

  1. I will ignore the email that says someone left donuts or cupcakes in the kitchen.
  2. I will avoid the kitchen for the next three hours.
  3. I will keep my butt planted in my chair – rather than magically lifting every 2 minutes in a kitchenly direction – for the next 30 minutes.
  4. I will wait till someone else removes the outer wrapping.
  5. I will wait till someone else opens the box.
  6. I will wait till someone else takes the first one.
  7. I will not eat in the presence of a co-worker.
  8. I will only eat a third of a piece.
  9. I will only eat another third.
  10. I will self-righteously leave behind some buttercream frosting.
  11. Or at least some crusty bottom.
  12. I will offset this indulgence by eating less today at lunch.
  13. Less tomorrow at lunch.
  14. It was only a few hundred calories, so I don’t have to eat less, just not repeat this overeating frequently.
  15. Not repeat it daily.
  16. Not repeat it again this morning.
  17. I will not do this ALL THE TIME.
  18. I will shift money from my vacation account to my clothing account… just in case.
  19. I will buy a few items of wider clothing, but will keep my tightening pants and shirts (possibly caused by hot water wash?) for when I lose the holiday weight.
  20. I will do a Good Will clothing drop off next weekend. Sigh.
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Howard Zaharoff

Howard Zaharoff

Howard Zaharoff reads (a lot), writes (mostly humor), teaches (occasionally) and practices law (doesn't everyone?). He is the author of "Stump Your Lawyer!" (Chronicle 2007), and his work has appeared in The Boston Globe, Wall Street Journal, Amazing Stories, Computerworld, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, The Annals of Improbable Research and the books Growing Up Jewish (Penguin 1987) and Sex As a Heap of Malfunctioning Rubble (and Further Improbabilities) (Workman 1993), among other places.