Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Dr. Stella Immanuel.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. My guest today is Dr. Stella Immanuel, Trump conspiracist and proponent of Hydroxychloroquine to be used in the treatment of Coronavirus.
JERRY
Let me just get it out there. You are a nut job!
DR. STELLA IMMANUEL
(Cameroon accent) Why? Just because I say DNA from space aliens currently being used in medicine?
JERRY
No. For claiming Donald Trump is not a space alien.
IMMANUEL
All I know is dat I’m from Cameroon.
JERRY
Trump calls that “shithole country.”
IMMANUEL
I tought he talking about Alabama.
JERRY
Hey, Doc. Do you know the most popular pick up line in Cameroon?
IMMANUEL
Nope.
JERRY
Nice tooth.
IMMANUEL
Dat mean, Duncan. Some people like me have two tooth.
JERRY
Multiple studies have disputed claims that Hydroxychloroquine can help treat or even prevent the Coronavirus. The FDA said it has not been an effective treatment for the virus.
IMMANUEL
Who da FDA? These are da same foo dat claim face mask and social distancing necessary. Caitlyn Jenner skinny because FDA just banned trans fat. Now what we do?
JERRY
Eat boogers.
IMMANUEL
Dat a good idea. Many people tink boogers funny, but they snot. I know kids don’t eat spinach, but love boogers.
The studio door slams shut. Donald Trump enters.
DONALD TRUMP
I need to meet that brilliant doctor from the lagoon.
IMMANUEL
It’s Cameroon.
TRUMP
I know. Next to Harlem. Do you know what the most positive thing is in Harlem?
IMMANUEL
Da Apollo Theater?
TRUMP
HIV.
JERRY
You’re stereotyping Black people. There are upscale brownstones in Harlem. Whites are moving there by the hundreds. The neighborhoods are revitalized.
TRUMP
Excuse me. I need to finish lying. A Black person loves me and you’re looking at her.
IMMANUEL
I love Trumpster. He like a rock.
JERRY
Only dumber.
TRUMP
You keep trying to make me look like a fool. I don’t need your help, Duncan. I’m a stable genius.
JERRY
Mr. Ed was a stable genus. You’re a horse’s ass.
TRUMP
Dr. I. You live in Houston. Right?
IMMANUEL
Well. I on da run from Louisiana for malpractice.
TRUMP
That’s okay. I’m on the run from New York for fraud and corruption.
JERRY
Don’t forget tax evasion and money laundering.
TRUMP
Okay. So I forgot a few. I have a question, Doc. Heard Formaldehyde cures the Coronavirus.
JERRY
Are you crazy? It’s used in building materials.
TRUMP
Shit! I just mixed it with soap. Is it poisonous? Answer fast, my hands are feeling numb.
IMMANUEL
Let me pray the poison away. I’m witch doctor. “Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang.”
TRUMP
Do me a favor. I only need one more vote for a recount in Texas. I don’t want to lose the election to Sleepy Joe Biden. Do I have yours?
IMMANUEL
Of course you do. Except..
TRUMP
What?
IMMANUEL
I’m an illegal and ICE is deporting me in an hour. My vote don’t count.
TRUMP
The human body has over 7 trillion nerves. And Dr. Immanuel just got on mine.
JERRY
See you tomorrow.
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