The Jerry Duncan Show Tweets at Famous People

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host lets his inner Trump loose by tweeting at famous people!

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ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. At this time of the season, I like to keep in touch with my guests. I recently hired an intern to get out some tweets that I’ve written to famous people. I’ll introduce him. His name is Peter Patterson. Hey Peter, who should I insult first?

PETER PATTERSON

Gosh. I’ve never sent a mean tweet, especially to any famous people.

JERRY

Is your rear end jealous of the shit that just came out of your mouth? And by the way, yesterday when I told you to have a nice day you weren’t supposed to go home. You’re not paid to think.

PETER

I’m not paid, Mr. Duncan. I don’t get why people like me get hired as an unpaid intern. It doesn’t make any cents.

JERRY

Other than being a fool, consider yourself my slave. No pay. Just experience in the field. Here we go. This one I’m tweeting at Randy Rainbow.

JERRY

@duncanmania

This is Jerry Duncan from The Jerry Duncan Show. Is it true you are Pee Wee Herman’s Siamese Twin separated at birth? Please confirm.

PETER

Hey, I got one for Mitch McConnell.

@duncanmania

Operator. Please hold for the Republicans. It’s 1925.

JERRY

Good. Now you’re using my brain. Here’s a tweet at Steve Schmidt of The Lincoln Project.

JERRY

@duncanmania

Steve. I heard the ghost of Helen Keller tried to read the pimples on Steve Bannon’s face. Why hasn’t The Lincoln Project reported this breaking news?

PETER

You’re brilliant, Mr. Duncan.

JERRY

Flattery will get you know nowhere. Did I mention I nicknamed the cockroach in the corner after you? Keep typing.

JERRY

Ellen DeGeneres.

@duncanmania

Hey, Ellen Not So Generous. This is Jerry Duncan from The Jerry Duncan Show. I heard you got the biggest belly laugh when you laid off your staff without pay because of the pandemic. Buddy can you spare a dime?

PETER

Mr. Duncan. There’s a retweet from Randy Rainbow.

RANDY RAINBOW

RT@rainbowsongs

You’re so ugly that when you watch TV, the channels change themselves. FYI. You need to register your face as a lethal weapon.

JERRY

You suck, Rainbow. Reminds me when you remove 90% of talent from him and rapper 50 Cent.

PETER

What happens?

JERRY

You get a nickel back.

PETER

I’m pumped to do another tweet.

JERRY

So am I. Do you someone in mind?

PETER

Tucker Carlson. Fox News is “fair and balanced.”

JERRY

And?

PETER

That’s it. That’s the joke.

JERRY

Tucker Carlson.

@duncanmania

Hey Tucker. This is Jerry Duncan from The Jerry Duncan Show. I hear you use Viagra brand chapstick so you can keep a “stiff upper lip.” That’s what Sean said. Just sayin.

PETER

Another retweet. This one from Helen Keller.

HELEN KELLER

RT@badgirl

You missed the most important part of the Steve Bannon tweet. I also popped his zits.

JERRY

Mike Pence.

@duncanmania

Hey Veep. This is Jerry Duncan from The Jerry Duncan Show. Now that you’re out of a job, how about hosting a revival of Girls Gone Wild? Sign on the dotted line.

PETER

Mr. Duncan. Do you know that it is International Joke Day?

JERRY

Do we really need a day dedicated to Donald Trump? C’mon, let’s do one more tweet. Kim Kardashian. She’s the first woman to have an engagement ring with a carat size larger than her IQ.

JERRY

@duncanmania

Kimster. This is Jerry Duncan from The Jerry Duncan Show. I understand you’re working on a law degree from the prestigious Trump University. Do you have an argument for your case?

PETER

Mr. Duncan. It’s nice that people are also thinking of you at the holidays. Here’s a retweet from Ellen DeGeneres.

ELLEN DEGENERES

RT@notfunnyme

Numb nuts. The reason I laid off my staff is because I’m doing a documentary about the homeless. Thanks to the Ellen Foundation, my former peeps are living in upscale cardboard boxes under the Hollywood Freeway.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.