Exclusive! Snippets from the resumes of job hunting Trump associates.
Now that Trump has lost the presidency, all of his closest appointees and associates will be job hunting. This reporter has seen the resumes that these individuals are sending out. Below are a few entries from those documents, describing their most salable qualities.
Loyalty: Will support and defend my superiors in all situations without the interference of ethics or integrity
Legal Expertise: Experience in numerous ways of subverting the law and Constitution
Obfuscation Expertise: Can obfuscate and misinterpret the content of any report or document
Sadism: Capable of devising multiple methods of pain and injury in service of your goals
Developmental Expertise Specializes in the damaging of children
Immigration Expertise: Specializes in methods of subverting asylum laws
Chastity: Was able to remain a virgin for years without a vow of chastity
Able to deal with any situation without restraints as conscience was surgically removed.
Entertaining: Biggest clown in any courtroom
Creative: Can concoct theories and new ”facts” as needed
Public Relations Expertise: Will keep you in the forefront with the media
Persuasive: Can persuade any witness to withdraw a complaint made against you
Clean: Especially good at laundering money
William Barr and Stephen Miller have also teamed up to provide security for high profile individuals. The ad reads: Security Dream Team: Scarier looking than any guard dog.