Jerry Duncan Interviews George W Bush - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews former President George W Bush.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is the 43rd President of the United States George W. Bush.

GEORGE W BUSH

Taco Bell, Amigo.

JERRY

Huh? Whatever, El Stupido.

JERRY

We will be talking about your new book Out of Many, One. Portraits of America’s Immigrants.

BUSH

Yeah. 43 portraits of America’s immigrants that I painted with great mastery. Hey, before we get started I got you a gift.

JERRY

A bale of hay from your ranch?

BUSH

No. Open up that big package I sent you

The sound of crumpling paper. Removes portrait.

BUSH

I painted you.

JERRY

That’s not me. It’s Donald Trump.

BUSH

Oops. Wrong monster.

JERRY

In your book, all these paintings are part of the immigrant experience? Speedy Gonzales, Pepe Le Pew, Mowgli.

BUSH

Sure, Duncan. They became big stars at Warner Brothers and Disney. I was inspired by cartoons when I formed my foreign policy in Iraq and Afghanistan. FYI. It’s only a 10 hour magic carpet ride from Afghanistan to Iraq.

JERRY

I still can’t believe you were elected President.

BUSH

I won because like I said in one of my speeches, “I know how hard it is for Americans to put food on their family.” The deciding votes came from retired comedians living in Florida. Love those hanging chad ballots.

JERRY

You owned the Texas Rangers baseball team, an oil company, worked on your father’s presidential campaign in 1988. Then became the Governor of Texas from 1995-2000.

BUSH

That’s how I learned about the Axis of Evil.

JERRY

North Korea, Iraq and Iran. Right?

BUSH

No. OJ Simpson, Charlie Manson and Son of Sam.

JERRY

So when did you decide to paint?

BUSH

I was reading a biography about Sir Winston Churchill. He was at a low point early in his political career, so he took up painting. I thought if that old geezer can paint 500 pictures, I can, too.

JERRY

Do you have a favorite painter?

BUSH

Van Gough. I admire the fact he cut off his ear for a woman. But I always wondered on which ear he hung a paint brush.

JERRY

Dubya. I bet you didn’t know Van Gough named the ear he didn’t cut off.

BUSH

For real?

JERRY

Yep. Van Stay.

BUSH

That will learn me. Do you know I’m more popular now than when I was President? My approval rating is climbing.

JERRY

You’re a legend in your own mind. Is there anything you regret as President?

BUSH

Hurricane Katrina. I should have done more sooner.

JERRY

You did nothing for two days. Then you finally toured the damage in New Orleans.

BUSH

I feel bad. But look at the bright side. There was fishin in the French Quarter. I caught me a big Red Snapper on Bourbon Street.

JERRY

Is there anything you want to tell my listeners before we go?

BUSH

I confess, Partner. I paint by numbers.

JERRY

You mean…

BUSH

Yes. They’re fakes. Hee, hee, hee.

JERRY

Dubya. Immigrants are like sheep. And someone else owns the grass. See you tomorrow.

Follow A Bit of Biden on Instagram every Monday, Wednesday and Friday @abitofbiden

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.