[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Disgraced Kentucky Derby Winner Sues Trainer for Disqualification

Medina Spirit feels he would have won the Kentucky Derby without “no stinkin’ horse crack,” and is suing “human scumbag” Bob Baffert.

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

According to SNN sports anchor Phillippe Fowleballes, disgraced Kentucky Derby winning horse Medina Spirit has filed a law suit against his trainer Bob Baffert, blaming Baffert for his disqualification and loss of prize money.

Medina Spirit, Kentucky Derby
Medina Spirit grabs some lunch with horse advisers while planning lawsuit.

The suit has been filed in Slobovian Superior court, because interspecies lawsuits are illegal in the United States. Medina Spirit has hired O. Denise Schoobydhoo, head of the Sportscrappe division of the famed Slobovian law firm Grabballe, Decashe and Scramme.

Speaking to the media through well known horse whisperer Dr. Ghiddeyuppe Ghoe, Medina Spirit outlined the major points of the litigation:

  • Compensation for the loss of 1.86 million dollars of lost Kentucky Derby prize money
  • 20 million dollars for pain and suffering and stupid horse jokes
  • 5 million dollars in lost prize money he may have won in the Belmont and Preakness from which he was barred from entering.
  • 380 million dollars in lost future stud fees.
  • 5 million dollars in lost tee shirt, cap and horse blanket revenues
  • 15 million dollars in lost personal appearances fees
  • 62 million dollars in lost TV and movie appearances, including the once-proposed Broadway show, “Medina Spirit, The Musical”
  • 6 Million dollars in lost revenue from Medina Spirit Beer and Wine

Speaking through Dr. Ghoe, Medina Spirit stated, “We horses put our lives and fortunes in the hands of these trainers and we expect the best. I feel betrayed in having some kinda horse crack put in my system. Mr Baffert will pay… and i want cash, not hay!”

Ted Holland