The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Big Bird

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the co-star of Sesame Street, Big Bird.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is the co-star of Sesame Street, Big Bird.

big birdBIG BIRD

I want to give a shout out to my neighbor Oscar the Grouch. He just got a new cell phone.

JERRY

Who the hell cares?

BIG BIRD

You said a naughty word, Mr. Duncan. There are little boys and girls listening. I’m teaching them about a cell phone.

JERRY

Oscar the Grouch? He eats cell phones. Besides, I heard that garbage mouth is getting kicked off Sesame Street.

BIG BIRD

Yeah. Oscar was “trash talking” the other cast members behind their backs.

JERRY

What did he say?

BIG BIRD

Cover your ears boys and girls.

JERRY

Shut up. Those little monsters know more four-letter words than you do.

BIG BIRD

Oh, alright. He said to Kermit the Frog, “I hope you croak.” Told Miss Piggy, “You aren’t kosher.” Then yelled at Elmo, “You’re so hairy, you look like an Orangutan’s rear end.”

JERRY

Big deal. Remember in 2012 when Mitt Romney said he would cut the budget for PBS so there wouldn’t be a Sesame Street?

BIG BIRD

You have a good memory, Mr. Duncan. Romney blurted out, “I stand by what I said. Whatever I said. I deny saying that, whatever it is I said.” No wonder he feels comfortable in flip-flops.

JERRY

Is it true you and Oscar the Grouch are homeless? I read that you live in a large nest behind 123 Sesame Street. Next to Oscar’s smelly trash can.

BIG BIRD

That’s correct, Mr. Duncan. The only good thing about being homeless is that 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

JERRY

And you have the advantage of dating homeless women.

BIG BIRD

Why?

JERRY

You can drop them off anywhere.

BIG BIRD

Being homeless, I have empathy. The other day I saw a homeless man walking down the street wearing one shoe. I said, “Are you alright? Looks like you lost a shoe.” He replied, “No. I just found one.”

JERRY

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has plans for you and Oscar to live in Tent City. You’ll have your own bed and a My Pillow.

BIG BIRD

What a coincidence. Kermit the Frog told me that Rudy Giuliani tried to suffocate Trumpster Mike Lindell with a My Pillow at Mar-a-Lago after they had a fight. Rudy’s Mafia instincts kicked in.

JERRY

Do you know the difference between Trump and the Mafia?

BIG BIRD

No.

JERRY

The Mafia supports unions. Hold on Big Bird. I have Rudy Giuliani on the other line.

RUDY GIULIANI

Jerry. I need to talk to the Bird!

JERRY

Standby, Rudster.

JERRY

Okay fellas. You’re both on the line.

RUDY

Hey, Big Turd. When Donald Trump is reinstated as President in August, we’re going to pull the plug on Sesame Street. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

BIG BIRD

I’m 8 foot, 2 inches and will sit on your head until it explodes. You’re messing with the wrong guy, Looney Giuliani.

RUDY

(imitates Daffy Duck)

You’re deth-picable.

BIG BIRD

We’ll never forget that your friend Donald Trump colluded with the Russians, committed fraud and laundered money.

RUDY

Do you have proof?

BIG BIRD

The FBI found traces of fabric softener where Trump was laundering money.

RUDY

You got no argument from me. I’m innocent. Trump made me threaten the Ukrainians, lie about Hunter Biden and date Stormy Daniels.

JERRY

Have fun in Sing, Sing, Rudster. Watch your rear.

BIG BIRD

(sings)

Can you tell me how to get, How to get to Sesame Street?

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

Read A Bit of Biden every Monday, Wednesday and Friday on Instagram.

The Jerry Duncan Show

(c) Dean B. Kaner

 

 

 

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