Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the Rolling Stones’ “No Filter Concert Tour” doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Rolling Stones in SoCal for ‘No Filter Concert Tour’ at SoFi Stadium
At this point, Keith Richards should be People Magazine’s first “Sexiest Man We Have No Idea Whether or Not He’s Alive!”
$150 grand worth of Louis Vuitton handbags stolen from Neiman Marcus
Which is like, what? Four, six if they were on mark down?
Biden releases the Gas Reserve
… Causing Camilla Parker Bowles to say, ‘not again.’
Kid Rock compared himself to Willie Nelson, David Lee Roth, Springsteen, & Brad Pitt
Welp, a side effect of Ivermectin is lots of horses**t
Alice’s Restaurant: Thanksgiving 2021 marks 56 years since event that inspired Arlo Guthrie’s song
And, the length of the actual song.
Ex-professor fired for allegedly masturbating during Zoom lecture sues Fordham
… I, for one, am just grateful he wasn’t at Morehead…
‘Furious’ Jim Jordan allies think Ohio Republicans are trying to redistrict him out of a House seat
In fairness, they probably thought he’d just look the other way.
Jay Leno shatters Bugatti Chiron ¼ mile time to set new world speed record in Tesla Model S Plaid
The bigger question is, when did he get Conan pulled from that ride?!
Kyle Rittenhouse speaks to Tucker Carlson in first TV interview
Kyle Rittenhouse on Tucker Carlson to say he’s no racist is like R. Kelly telling Matt Gaetz he only goes to Chuck E Cheese for the pizza.
Broadway legend Stephen Sondheim, whose work transformed musical theater, dead at 91
Send in the frowns. There has to be frowns. RIP Stephen Sondheim.
Gene Simmons rips anti-vaxxers: “If you’re willing to walk among us unvaccinated, you are an enemy”
And, for those wondering, that wasn’t said with giant tongue in cheek.
Aaron Rodgers’ continued ‘apology’ leaves a lot to be desired
Let’s face it, Rodgers needs to change the spelling of his name to Kaaron.
Topless Kourtney Kardashian reflects on her engagement to Travis Barker
So, they caught her right after church?
Marine Corps compliance with vaccine mandate on course to be military’s worst
… while the Navy still leads in man-dating…