[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Daily Covid Tests and Vaccinations to Become Worldwide Norm

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

With the pandemic still raging, people worldwide face the specter of daily Covid tests and vaccinations: Report.

Dr. Anna Philaxis, SNN chief medical correspondent and former chef at the World Health Organization, states that with the Covid pandemic still running amuck worldwide and no cure in sight, people worldwide face the specter of daily Covid tests and vaccinations.

Daily Covid Tests. Image by Ben Dracup, flickr.com
Image by Ben Dracup, flickr.com.

Dr. Philaxis explains “There are at least 100 variants of the Covid virus and they are all longing for the fame and fortune that the Delta and Omicron variations have achieved… that means we could be dealing with a new primary variant every six months for the next twenty years.”

She continued, “To combat this onslaught most world citizens will have to have multiple daily tests and vaccines.”

Dr. Philaxis stated the the daily routine could become something like:

  • 6AM: Pre-Covid test test
  • 7AM: Pre-vaccine test
  • 8AM: Vaccination
  • 9AM: Post-vaccine test
  • 10AM: Omicron evaluation and shot
  • 11AM: Delta evaluation and shot
  • 12PM: Next variant evaluation and shot
  • 1PM: Daily antibody level check
  • 2PM: Daily auto-immune level check
  • 3PM: Daily Natural immunity level check
  • 4PM: Daily booster shot
  • 5PM: Daily Booster Booster Shot
  • 6PM: Flurona test
  • 7PM: Flurona shot
  • 8PM: Daily robot test

Dr. Anna Philaxis also states that the marriage of the flu and Coronaviruses known as “Flurona” opens a whole new can of worms, and that Corona and other viruses could mate and produce offshoots such as Measlesrona, Gonorrhearona, Hemorroidsroma and Ingrowntoenailsrona.

Ted Holland