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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

ISIS to Burn Heretics in Public

Sep 242014
 
 By , September 24, 2014

‘Beheading is too merciful,’ says ISIS’ Jihad John

IRAQ — In their effort to return the world to the 14th century — guns and You Tube excepted — ISIS will begin publicly burning heretics at the stake. Local people will be required to watch and cheer. A lack of enthusiasm will mean instantly being thrown into the flames too.

isis, baptism by fire of Avvakum in 1682“Beheading is too merciful,” said Jihad John, the black-hooded executioner of American journalists. “We need something that will ensure the agony really lasts. Besides, fires accompanied by screams of torment make for good videos. We can zoom in on their blood literally boiling.”

Interviewed in the ninth region of Hell by GoogleSeance ™ satellite, Adolf Hitler himself said: “These people are total animals. They make even me look half-civilized.”

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Michael was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid era He quickly became involved in the underground resistance movement, knew Nelson Mandela and other prominent revolutionaries, some of whom later moved into privileged positions formerly occupied by whites. After several exciting escapes, he was forced to flee the country in disguise. He successfully made his way to the UK and gained his PhD at Cambridge on a university scholarship, He then pursued the dual career of college professor and social revolutionary, provoking academic and political mayhem wherever he went. Having thus failed miserably at both politics and education, he now cynically rails like Diogenes at the foibles of mankind in bitter satires and faintly subtly edgy political cartoons. History will, however absolve him. In 2006 he discovered a new Shakespeare play, but it's going to take a new generation to acknowledge it.