Businessman Trump: Putin Paying $1 Billion to Bomb Ukraine

Businessman Trump: Putin Paying $1 Billion to Bomb Ukraine

“If our military is good enough for Saudi Arabia, it’s good enough for Russia,” the President said. “After all, a billion bucks to bomb Ukraine is a billion bucks, minus my Finder’s Fee, of course.” … Read more Businessman Trump: Putin Paying $1 Billion to Bomb Ukraine

Kim Jong-Un Says Trump is ‘Stalking’ Him, Demands Restraining Order

Kim Jong-Un Says Trump is ‘Stalking’ Him, Demands Restraining Order

“Okay, so I wrote the old dotard a couple of nice letters once,” the North Korean leader admitted in his demand for a restraining order, “but I’m tired of his jealousy over me seeing other … Read more Kim Jong-Un Says Trump is ‘Stalking’ Him, Demands Restraining Order

Trump Demands People Magazine’s 2019 ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Award

Trump Demands People Magazine’s 2019 ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Award

“Li’l Johnny Legend needs to chill,” the President sneered about this year’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” “He should  go to a good old-fashioned Rocky movie to see a real hunk. Me!” WASHINGTON DC — President Donald … Read more Trump Demands People Magazine’s 2019 ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Award

Trump’s Bone-Spurs ‘Miraculously Disappear’ After Faith Healer’s ‘Laying-on-of- Hands’ Exorcism

Trump’s Bone-Spurs ‘Miraculously Disappear’ After Faith Healer’s ‘Laying-on-of- Hands’ Exorcism

Stunned podiatrists declare president’s feet to be entirely bone-spur free after ‘Toe Jam’ religious invocation.  WASHINGTON DC – President’s Trump’s heels have been declared to be “entirely bone-spur free” by a panel of podiatrists, following … Read more Trump’s Bone-Spurs ‘Miraculously Disappear’ After Faith Healer’s ‘Laying-on-of- Hands’ Exorcism

The White House is Looking for a ‘Few Good Cartoonists’

The White House is Looking for a ‘Few Good Cartoonists’

Trump’s aides call for quick-draw artists able to explain complex issues in simple terms for “a hard-working President,” so they are looking for “a few good cartoonists.” WASHINGTON DC –  The White House staff issued … Read more The White House is Looking for a ‘Few Good Cartoonists’

Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’

Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’

“I’ll hold my breath until Mueller goes away — I will, even if I turn blue and die myself dead!” the President screamed. “And then you’ll all be sorry!” MAR-A-LAGO, FL — President Trump is … Read more Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’

Trump Says Alaska Earthquake Caused by ‘Poor Snow Management, Unlike Finland’

Trump Says Alaska Earthquake Caused by ‘Poor Snow Management, Unlike Finland’

“There’s plenty of  snow in Finland,” Trump explained,  “but they don’t have anything like that Alaska earthquake because they rake it all up and deposit it in snow banks.”  MAR-A-LAGO FL — President Trump said … Read more Trump Says Alaska Earthquake Caused by ‘Poor Snow Management, Unlike Finland’

Hookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation

Hookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation

Stormy Daniels revealed that Trump’s tiny dick has a mushroom head like Mario Kart. Sorry, now you can’t un-see that! SAD! “The least impressive sex I’ve ever had!” Daniels says, contradicting the President’s former wife, … Read more Hookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation

Trump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but not Paul Manafort

Trump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but not Paul Manafort

“It’s a disgrace the way these fallen heroes were hounded by the horrible, horrendous fake news media of their day,” the President told reporters. “However, Paul Manafort is not a candidate for similar treatment.” WASHINGTON … Read more Trump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but not Paul Manafort

Trump Proposes Using Animal Shelters for ‘Ineligible’ Immigrant Children

Trump Proposes Using Animal Shelters for ‘Ineligible’ Immigrant Children

“Frankly, it’s Obama’s fault. But America will no longer be taken advantage of by migrants who have abandoned their immigrant children litters.” WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump suggested today that hundreds of “ineligible” immigrant … Read more Trump Proposes Using Animal Shelters for ‘Ineligible’ Immigrant Children

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