Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’

Trump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’

“I’ll hold my breath until Mueller goes away — I will, even if I turn blue and die myself dead!” the President screamed. “And then you’ll all be sorry!” MAR-A-LAGO, FL — President Trump is … Read moreTrump Threatens to Hold Breath ‘Until Mueller Goes Away’

Trump Says Alaska Earthquake Caused by ‘Poor Snow Management, Unlike Finland’

Trump Says Alaska Earthquake Caused by ‘Poor Snow Management, Unlike Finland’

“There’s plenty of  snow in Finland,” Trump explained,  “but they don’t have anything like that Alaska earthquake because they rake it all up and deposit it in snow banks.”  MAR-A-LAGO FL — President Trump said … Read moreTrump Says Alaska Earthquake Caused by ‘Poor Snow Management, Unlike Finland’

Hookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation

Hookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation

Stormy Daniels revealed that Trump’s tiny dick has a mushroom head like Mario Kart. Sorry, now you can’t un-see that! SAD! “The least impressive sex I’ve ever had!” Daniels says, contradicting the President’s former wife, … Read moreHookers and Porn Models in Uproar after ‘Mario Kart’ Trump Dick Revelation

Trump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but not Paul Manafort

Trump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but not Paul Manafort

“It’s a disgrace the way these fallen heroes were hounded by the horrible, horrendous fake news media of their day,” the President told reporters. “However, Paul Manafort is not a candidate for similar treatment.” WASHINGTON … Read moreTrump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but not Paul Manafort

Trump Proposes Using Animal Shelters for ‘Ineligible’ Immigrant Children

Trump Proposes Using Animal Shelters for ‘Ineligible’ Immigrant Children

“Frankly, it’s Obama’s fault. But America will no longer be taken advantage of by migrants who have abandoned their immigrant children litters.” WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump suggested today that hundreds of “ineligible” immigrant … Read moreTrump Proposes Using Animal Shelters for ‘Ineligible’ Immigrant Children

Trump Twitter Habit is ‘Sexual Sublimation,’ Says Psychiatrist

Trump Twitter Habit is ‘Sexual Sublimation,’ Says Psychiatrist

Late-night Twitter habit is all about sexual frustration, says Dr Hyman Schadenfreud, new White House psychiatrist. WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump’s increasingly bizarre behavior, including his unhinged twitter habit, is the product of extreme and … Read moreTrump Twitter Habit is ‘Sexual Sublimation,’ Says Psychiatrist

Political Scientists Discover Giant Void Inside Trump’s Head

Political Scientists Discover Giant Void Inside Trump’s Head

In a surprise find, analogous to the one recently in an Egyptian pyramid, a team of researchers has detected a mysterious giant void inside President Donald Trump’s head. An anomalous space in Donald Trump’s head, … Read morePolitical Scientists Discover Giant Void Inside Trump’s Head

Larry Flynt Enters Rehab After ‘Horrific Exposure’ to Confidential Trump Dossier

Larry Flynt Enters Rehab After ‘Horrific Exposure’ to Confidential Trump Dossier

Doctors say Larry Flynt, the hard-boiled publisher of Hustler magazine, “is likely to recover but may never be the same again.“ LOS ANGELES – Hustler magazine’s owner/editor Larry Flynt is under 24-hour sedation today after voluntarily … Read moreLarry Flynt Enters Rehab After ‘Horrific Exposure’ to Confidential Trump Dossier

Trump Demands that the Month of January be Renamed ‘Trumpery’

Trump Demands that the Month of January be Renamed ‘Trumpery’

‘If Julius Caesar can have July, and Augustus has August, why can’t I have Trumpery? Anyone who says I can’t is fake news!’ – President Trump WASHINGTON – President Trump said today that he would … Read moreTrump Demands that the Month of January be Renamed ‘Trumpery’

Garden of Eden Serpent Denies Tempting Adam and Eve, Thus Causing Fall of Man

Garden of Eden Serpent Denies Tempting Adam and Eve, Thus Causing Fall of Man

“The Bible story is just a hoax. I didn’t cause the fall of man – it’s fake news. Apples for all!” – Belly-Crawling Snake HELL – The Biblical serpent claimed last night that it was … Read moreGarden of Eden Serpent Denies Tempting Adam and Eve, Thus Causing Fall of Man