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[Disclaimer: This article is a "fake news" piece. Proceed at your own risk!]

Romney Exit Clears Path for Other GOP Candidates to Lose

Feb 042015
 By , February 4, 2015

Door now open for a large number of exciting dark horse GOP candidates to blow it.

DES MOINES, Iowa — After announcing he will no longer seek the presidency a third time last week, Mitt Romney has cleared the path for a wide range of GOP candidates who have absolutely no chance of securing a presidential victory.

mitt romney, gop candidates“I think this really breathes new life into presidential hopefuls like Scott Walker and Rand Paul who have the ability to fire up the GOP base, win the primary and then come nowhere near the amount of electoral votes needed to win a general election,” stated RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.

Washington insiders are also eyeing Chris Christie who has done an excellent job at courting the donors and red state voters needed for a primary win, while at the same time completely alienating the black, Latino, female, union, LGBT and youth demographics needed to have any possibility of claiming the White House.

Experts also note that Romney’s exit will now open the door for a large number of exciting dark horse GOP candidates to become strong primary front runners for a couple weeks, before saying something blatantly sexist, racist or flat out stupid and then slinking off into the shadows never to be heard from again.

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J Crock

J Crock is a veteran newsman with over 50 years experience who doesn't understand why his serious attempts at reporting the news keep winding up on the comedy section of this publication. He spends his days imploring the editors to cease making a mockery of his craft, his nights filled with rage and one day very soon, he will have his revenge. Oh, yes… he'll have his revenge.

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