[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Door now open for a large number of exciting dark horse GOP candidates to blow it.
DES MOINES, Iowa — After announcing he will no longer seek the presidency a third time last week, Mitt Romney has cleared the path for a wide range of GOP candidates who have absolutely no chance of securing a presidential victory.
“I think this really breathes new life into presidential hopefuls like Scott Walker and Rand Paul who have the ability to fire up the GOP base, win the primary and then come nowhere near the amount of electoral votes needed to win a general election,” stated RNC Chairman Reince Priebus.
Washington insiders are also eyeing Chris Christie who has done an excellent job at courting the donors and red state voters needed for a primary win, while at the same time completely alienating the black, Latino, female, union, LGBT and youth demographics needed to have any possibility of claiming the White House.
Experts also note that Romney’s exit will now open the door for a large number of exciting dark horse GOP candidates to become strong primary front runners for a couple weeks, before saying something blatantly sexist, racist or flat out stupid and then slinking off into the shadows never to be heard from again.
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