[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
George Will leaves the Republican Party, registers as a “Tearbilly”
Longtime conservative columnist George Will has announced his “Wexit”: he is leaving the Republican Party, saying, “It’s not my party anymore, and I’ll cry if I want to!”
Mr Will, who managed to stay loyal through the “terrible, awful, deplorable Bush years,” said he could not stand for Trump, “who looks like a goddamn horses ass with an orange tail.”
“That hair style — if you can even call it that — simply does not belong in a presidential portrait in the White House,” he added, “It’s just too much.”
Asked who he’d vote for, Mr Will said, “Well, never a Democrat, of course. But there are some well-coifed independents running. Though not well-known, they certainly would look presidential in a portrait. Someone like William Kreml, for instance, who is bald, thus avoiding the bad hair issue altogether. And he looks a little like James Garfield with glasses, so he’d qualify.”
Prominent Republicans have responded by saying that George Will has never been very loyal to the party. “Hell, I was a totally faithful Republican for decades,” he countered. “I stayed through the absolute disaster that was the George W Bush presidency — what more proof of blind loyalty do you need?”
Asked why he stayed through the Bush years if he felt that way, Will responded, “Well, sure, you could say that ‘W’ bankrupted our nation with a totally misguided and illegal invasion of a country that was no threat to us. And yes, his vice-president profited handsomely from the war; sure, he tortured what turned out to be many innocent individuals, as anti-American of an activity as you can possibly imagine; and sure, he helped the Saudis, the real culprits, get away and cover up their complicity in 9/11; and yeah, I suppose he further tanked the economy with huge, uncalled for tax cuts for the very rich; and sure, he was a disaster environmentally and in almost every other way as a president — but, hey — stuff happens.
“But Donald’s hair — no f*cking way!!!”
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