[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

President Biden Unveils Plan to Pay Off National Debt Before Midterms

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Biden unveils plan to eliminate the national debt, just in time to boost Democrats’ chances in the midterm elections.

According to SNN financial correspondent Chumppe Change, President Joe Biden has a plan to eliminate the national debt of 31 trillion dollars before the midterm elections on November 8th this year.

Biden Unveils Plan to Pay Off National Debt
Biden unveils plan. Graphic by CBO, Public Domain.

Ms. Change states that she obtained an exclusive interview with Mr. Biden at a recent bail-raising cocktail party for his son Hunter.

Mr. Biden said, “In the 1960’s President Kennedy said ‘ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.’ That time is now for every American, and I’ve got just the thing for you to do for your country.”

Mr. Biden continued, “Our national debt has reached the 31 trillion dollar mark. We need to pay it off. According to the latest census figures there are 332,403,650 American citizens. We are asking all Americans to pay their fair share, which is $93,260.11 per person. If every American will simply send in a check for that amount immediately, we will be home free.”

Ms. Change reminded the President that most Americans don’t have that kind of money just laying around. Mr. Biden stated that any citizen who needs to can obtain a new low-interest loan from the government for that purpose.

He said that everyone who wishes to pay by credit card can use the website usgov-gimme-dat-ding.gov. Those paying by check or money order can just make it out to “Joe.”

SNN Words To Live By

“Every moment in life is a bet.” — Fan Duel TV commercial.

“All religions have the one thing in common that really counts — the collection plate.” — Archie Bunker, All in the Family TV show.

“Adultery is a good substitute when you can’t afford the price of a hamburger.” — comedian George Miller.

Ted Holland