Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews anti-vax activist and conspiracy nut Robert F Kennedy, Jr.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is activist Robert F Kennedy, Jr.
JERRY
Good morning, Robert.
ROBERT F KENNEDY, JR
Is it morning just because the sun is out?
JERRY
C’mon. We know you’re a conspiracy nut.
KENNEDY
Roses are red, violets are blue, this middle finger is for you.
JERRY
You don’t believe in COVID vaccines. Claim there is a link to autism.
KENNEDY
That’s right. You name the conspiracy and I support it. For instance, I’m against coal and nuclear power. They cause death and destruction of the environment.
JERRY
Hold on, half-wit. Do you realize more people died in your Uncle Teddy’s car than a nuclear power plant?
KENNEDY
Big whoop. Nothing surprises me more than when I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof. Nobody told me to unplug it before soaking in water.
JERRY
It’s the reason your brain is fried. You recently said President Joe Biden is the cause of the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine due to NATO expansion.
KENNEDY
Alternative facts, Duncan. Putin is defending Russia from Ukraine.
JERRY
Putin is a tyrant. Do you know a man was sentenced last week in a Moscow court to 15 years and 3 months in a Russian work camp for calling Putin stupid? The judge explained that he gave 3 months for insulting the president and 15 years for divulging state secrets.
JERRY
I understand you are running against Biden for president on the Democratic ticket. What’s your reason?
KENNEDY
We need less drama and more comedy. And I know something about comedy. My wife Cheryl Hines is on Curb Your Enthusiasm. She said Larry David wants to use my speeches in the new season.
JERRY
You’ve got to be kidding.
KENNEDY
Why not? Everybody tells me they’re a joke.
The interviews stops abruptly.
JERRY
Speaking of jokes. I have a fellow conspiracist on the line. Republican Senator John Kennedy from the not- so- great state of Louisiana.
SENATOR JOHN KENNEDY
I resent that remark, Duncan. I’m proud to say most Louisianans make it to 6th grade. Ain’t that remarkable?
JERRY
I would have guessed 3rd. Hey, goober. What’s the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo elsewhere?
J. KENNEDY
I don’t know.
JERRY
In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal’s name, they’ve got a good recipe.
J. KENNEDY
Sounds right.
JERRY
I understand you spent 4th of July in Moscow talking to Russian officials with fellow MAGA Republicans. You’re a traitor!
J. KENNEDY
No. I’m trying to make sure the Russians do a better job of election interference in 2024. We want to rig it.
JERRY
In addition to your corrupt MAGA Republicans trying to overthrow our government with the help of the Russians, you want them to win the war in Ukraine. You’re on the wrong side of history, bubba.
J. KENNEDY
Why shouldn’t we meet? If Trump is the president, Putin will have a winter home in Florida. And I assured Vlad that there will be prostitutes to pee on his face.
KENNEDY
I’m impressed. Here I thought the best five years of a redneck’s life was 4th grade.
JERRY
Senator Kennedy. You have the same name as Robert’s uncle President John F. Kennedy.
J.KENNEDY
Right on. I remember the exact moment I found out that JFK was assassinated. On the internet, checking his Wikipedia page.
KENNEDY
That was a stunt double. My Uncle John eloped with Marilyn Monroe.
JERRY
Five years later your father Senator Bobby Kennedy was assassinated by Sirhan Sirhan.
KENNEDY
No. I believe there was another shooter. That’s what he told me when we met.
JERRY
Is there anything you two fools believe is not a conspiracy?
J.KENNEDY
If it looks like a duck. And quacks like a duck…
KENNEDY
It’s government surveillance.
JERRY
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr and Senator John Kennedy. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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