[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Senator Menendez: ‘Protecting American Public from Evil’

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

We all have brave Senator Menendez to thank for “protecting the American public from the filth and evil of political graft and corruption.”

In an exclusive interview with SNN Political Corruption Correspondent Quikke Buck Kate, New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez states that he was only doing his sworn duty of collecting bribes, cash, fancy cars and illegal cash to keep such evils from tainting the souls of the American public.

Senator Menendez
Senator Menendez, looking smug after stashing gold bars. Public Domain.

Senator Menendez explained, “It is my duty and in fact the duty of every elected official to protect the American voting public from the filth and greed and evil of the specter of political corruption. The average American citizen is not equipped to handle fancy sports cars, hundreds of thousands of dollars in gold bars and millions of dollars worth in loose cash. So it is my duty to collect as much of this filth as possible to protect them.”

When questioned about his dealings with the Egyptian government, he stated that, like Americans, the Egyptian government is unable to deal with such filthy lucre.

Breaking News

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SNN Words to Live By

“The earlier you set your alarm, the longer you can oversleep.” — Garfield cartoon strip.

“Money is a cold thing.” — Paloma Picasso.

“When hell freezes over, I’ll skate.” — Playwright Vinnette Carroll.

Ted Holland