[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

‘Unusual Urges’ Cited: Man Sues Big Pharma Due to Side Effect of Popular Drug

Dispatches From SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Man sues drug maker, saying that “unusual urges” caused him to break into a zoo and attempt to have sex with a crocodile.

According to SNN Big Pharma correspondent Opie Oiyde, one of the major side effects of the popular anti-toenail fungus drug “Byzygydyzy” is “unusual urges.”

unusual urges, crocodile
Man had unusual urges, including to get intimate with the sexy Annie Ruth. Photo: Wikipedia, CC BY 3.0.

Citing the unusual urge to have sex with a crocodile, drug user Phumpo Grabasse, a 42 year old CPA, broke into the San Diego Zoo and attempted to have sex with Annie Ruth, a 450-pound crocodile.

Among the many side effects of the popular drug are: bad breath, gas, bloating, tooth loss, suicidal thoughts and actions, bloody and black stool, seizures, headache, cough, dry mouth, fever, unwanted pregnancy, heart attack, brain cancer, death and swollen feet. Other than that, it’s fine.

Mr. Grabasse lost his left leg, tongue and privates during his encounter with Annie Ruth and he plans to sue the drug maker.

Breaking News

Trump and Biden to Be Cellmates

SNN Words to Live By

“Don’t get old — you’ll live to regret it.” — Grady (Rod Taylor), The Train Robbers, 1960’s film.

“Girls don’t pay, guys pay.” — Debbie, American Graffitti, 1972 film.

“Aman who says he’s never afraid is either a fool or a liar” — Jim Hardie (Dale Robertson), Tales of Wells Fargo, 1950’s TV series.

“The smell of money does things to people… even good people” — Chester Goode (Dennis Weaver), Gunsmoke 1950-1970 TV series.

Question of the Week

If you could be a bird, what would you be? (Answer in the Comments section below!)

Author’s pick: A buzzard, ’cause I’m too damn lazy to dig for worms or kill anything.

Ted Holland