[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Trump Offers ‘Proof’ Migrants Getting all the ‘Black Jobs’

Migrants are swimming the Rio Grande, getting bused to the northeast, and taking all the “Black jobs,” including professorships.

After Donald Trump proclaimed during his Presidential debate with Joe Biden that millions of illegal immigrants are taking “Black jobs now,” inquiring reporters set out to find out if in fact this supposed phenomenon was happening.

migrant takes black job
Migrant from El Salvador takes ‘Black job’ as professor. Photo: Antonio Cordoba/CIDH, flickr.com, CC BY 2.0

They came upon one such remarkable instance at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. That’s where the school’s esteemed Black Professor of macroeconomics, Dr. Benoit Julius Wilson, has been replaced in his job by a recent migrant into the United States, Jose Vasquez, from El Salvador who had successfully swum over the Rio Grande to enter Texas.

That state’s governor, Greg Abbott, ultimately had Vasquez along with 30 other illegal immigrants bused to Massachusetts. Upon his arrival, Harvard’s executive leadership, seeing that Vasquez had just entered the country, immediately hired him to assume the distinguished Harry and Louise Glump Chair on macroeconomics which had been held by Dr. Wilson for the last 10 years.

“We had to give this Black professorship to an illegal immigrant. Sure, Mr. Vasquez might not have studied economics in school. So what? That’s not important. He’s an illegal alien. That’s all that matters. Mr. Vasquez perfectly fit the bill,” Harvard’s leaders told reporters.

Asked how he felt about being hired for the job, Vasquez expressed his regrets that Dr. Wilson had to be let go. “But it was a Black job. Si? As Senor Trump said, mis companeros y yo are taking all those jobs. Es la vida. Life not fair. No?” rationalized Vasquez.

Dr. Wilson said it was inevitable he would be replaced since, as Donald Trump maintained, illegal immigrants are unfairly getting jobs at the expense of Black folks.

Wilson said that so far, he’s been unsuccessful in finding work as an economics professor since those jobs are being taken by illegal immigrants. Which means as a last resort, he’s seeking employment in a different line of work. Some place where illegal immigrants are not replacing Blacks. Such as perhaps working as a grape picker in California, assuming he can get himself into decent enough shape to lean over to do picking in the broiling hot sun in that state’s Central Valley.

“As far as I know, picking grapes is not a Black job,” Dr. Wilson said, although he said you never could be sure he could keep even this position since as Trump alleged, undocumented immigrants are also probably taking over all the grape picking jobs.

“So what if I drop dead from heat stroke?” said Dr. Wilson. “At least I’ll have found a job for a while that puts food on the table.”

A Trump campaign spokesman said that “Cesar Chavez, the so-called hero of migrant farm workers, would be turning over in his grave seeing how all his fellow Hispanics pursuing the American Dream are losing their jobs to illegals. It’s pathetic. If Chavez was alive today, he’d be voting for Mr. Trump. No doubt about it.”

Economists report that Black workers in the U.S. are doing exceptionally well, with Black unemployment near record lows and wage gains at all-time highs. But Trump discounted those numbers, saying “who can believe anything economists say? They’re all frauds.”

Meanwhile, asked her reaction to the developments at Harvard, Trump campaign ally Rep. Margarie Taylor Greene revealed that “Jewish Space Lasers” are to blame for the Black jobs being taken over by illegal aliens. She also charged that former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s “Gazpacho police” were ripping away the holders of Black jobs and giving them to the illegals.

For his part, Trump said in an obvious ploy to win the Black and Hispanic vote that “this proves it. Didn’t I tell you? Illegals are getting all the great jobs, especially the ones that are held by The Blacks. Which is horrible because some of The Blacks are my best friends. Just like The Jews and The Hispanics. Okay? They all love me.”

Trump added that “it’s a disgrace. A dirty rotten plot by Dead Man Walking Joe Biden, Crooked Hillary Clinton, and the Democrats to have the illegals take over our country. When I become President again, this will never happen. I’ll throw every single illegal alien out of this country or put them in concentration camps, whichever works best. And Sleepy Joe and Crooked Hillary too. Just watch. Okay?”

Inquiring reporters also came upon another “Black job” where a migrant had replaced a member of the Johnny Cockman law firm defending clients in criminal cases. In this case, the Black attorney, Hebron J. Pickins, was fired unceremoniously and replaced by a newcomer from Ecuador who had survived a grueling 20-day trek through the jungles of South America and Central America before being smuggled over the Southern border into the United States.

This illegal immigrant did in fact hold a culinary degree from his native Ecuador which the law firm said made him perfectly qualified to become a full-fledged Partner at its law firm.

“We’re sorry to see Mr. Pickins go. But it had to be. He had a Black job that was preventing us from bringing an illegal alien aboard. As we all know, that was totally unjustified,” said a Cockman spokesman.

When informed of this development, Trump expressed satisfaction that what he said was true about all the Black jobs going to illegals.

“Would I ever lie to you?” Trump said with a smirk.

Eric Green