[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

RFK Jr. Accuses RFK Jr. of Being a CIA Operative

“The only way I could explain his madness is that he’s a CIA operative,” says RFK Jr. about himself.

By J. C. Lanzer

Earlier today, presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. accused Robert F. Kennedy Jr. of being a CIA operative meant to disrupt the 2024 election. He said this while speaking at a campaign event sponsored by the Alabama chapter of Pyramid Schemes Anonymous (PSA), a support group for victims of pyramid schemes.

cia operative RFK Jr
RFK Jr., CIA operative. Or is he?? Photo: Felton Davis, flickr.com, CC BY 2.0.

“The shit RFK Jr. says is insane,” RFK Jr. told the PSA crowd. “The only way I could explain his madness is that he’s a CIA operative.”

“I mean have you heard what he said about Covid-19?” RFK Jr. added. “This RFK Jr. guy says the government engineered it. You want to know what I think? I think he’s creating the perfect cover for the US government, because what better way to cover up CIA plandemics than a crazy man rambling on about plandemics?”

RFK Jr. then handed out copies of RFK Jr.’s book, “The Real Anthony Fauci,” about the supposed truth behind Covid-19, offering to sign copies in return for a 25 cent campaign donation or a minute of screen time at the upcoming presidential debate.

“Don’t believe a word those CIA ops like RFK Jr. are saying,” RFK Jr. said as he handed PSA members copies of “The Real Anthony Fauci.” “Read my book instead. It’s filled with the truth that RFK Jr. won’t tell you.”

After the event ended, we found several trash cans filled with unsigned copies of the book. We asked one of the event’s attendees why he tossed the book.

“I just didn’t find this fella compelling,” John Johnson, a longtime PSA member and Jonestown survivor, said. “Saying RFK Jr. is a CIA operative is like saying George Santos is a fraud. It just doesn’t make any sense.”

We reached out to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., RFK Jr.‘s spokesman, for a comment regarding RFK Jr.’s claims about RFK Jr.

Kennedy told us that RFK Jr.’s statements were a misrepresentation of RFK Jr., and voters should look towards RFK Jr.’s policy goals instead of the lies being circulated by political opponents like RFK Jr. and the media.

“RFK Jr. is a great politician, but a great politician is nothing more than a liar,” Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said. “I mean this guy is full of shit.”

“But my boss says it like it is,” Robert F. Kennedy Jr. added. “He can sniff out bullshit from a mile away. And let’s just say that RFK Jr. has sniffed out that RFK Jr. is one massive pile of manure.”

We reached out to RFK Jr. for a response, but he declined to comment, saying “I do not speak to the press. The press is run by CIA operatives.”

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