Affordability will be the keynote as a pilot program debuts two highly efficient new sports next year.
The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) announced yesterday that it is responding to concerns about the escalating cost of athletic programs by creating two new sports, “ball” and “body,” that will sharply reduce expenditures for participating schools.
Spokesman Brian Toomer said the new programs would enable participating schools to limit an entire athletic program to one or two sports and a fraction of the scholarships now needed for the many sports sanctioned by the NCAA.
“We realize that a large percentage of our member schools are distressed about the changing economics of college sports,” Toomer told a media conference, “and we want to say, ‘We hear you.’”
An information kit distributed to the media said that each college desiring to participate will be allowed forty scholarships for its ball team. “Ball” will include football, basketball, baseball, soccer, and tennis. On the day of a contest, the two opposing ball teams will meet for brunch, and the type of ball to be played that day will be determined by drawing a slip of paper out of a hat. The teams will then have ninety minutes to prepare while ball department staff members prepare the arena.
“We realize that not all sports use a ball,” Toomer said, “and although that seems kind of perverted, the NCAA is all about inclusiveness, so we have allowed for the diseased thinking that you sometimes see in the education field, hence another new sport in addition to ball.”
Toomer said the other new sport will involve a “body” team for wrestling, swimming, track, cross country, boxing, and gymnastics, with a maximum of twenty scholarships. Rules for competition will be similar to those for ball.
“Let me stress that everything in both sports will be co-ed, whatever that might mean, with no biological standard,” Toomer said. “We’ve been going crazy around here trying to sort out this whole chicks-with-dicks thing, and we’re giving up the struggle.”
A pilot program will go into effect in the fall of 2026, the success of which could lead to a significant restructuring of college sports.
“The NCAA as now configured will not be ideal for ball and body competition and regulation,” Toomer said, “so we will be looking to spin off a new entity, the National Collegiate Ball And Body Association, known informally as NaCoBABA.”
Toomer said the effects will extend far beyond college sports.
“All of this will inevitably affect professional sports also,” Toomer said. “Imagine what the scouting combines and drug combos will look like now.”
This story was originally published by Tut Social.
- NCAA to Create Two New Sports for Cost-Conscious Colleges - September 7, 2025
- AOC Floats ‘Awesome’ New Idea for Clean Sea Power - September 5, 2025
- Iowa Man Sues ‘Hawaii Five-O’ and ‘Saturday Night Fever’ for Plagiarism - September 3, 2025
